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Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals? v.7

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals? v. 7
Globalisation has put an invisible pressure on every country to be in the race of increase in productivity for improving the economic growth of the nation. Even though it is good to constantly strive to be a self producer with a better quality commodities, some people argue that production should not be the ultimate goal. It is important to think about the standards of living of people and their happiness, besides achieving the economic goals. On balance, I do not completely agree or disagree with the above, as there is a positive note on both the sides. First and foremost, a country's economic status defines the development status when compared to other's in the world. With the increase in technology and standards of living, more and more resources are required by the people to enjoy the infrastructure, just like other nations. In addition, export businesses also play a major role on a global scale, which indirectly owes one country to the other. Moreover, generating the goods on their own became the priority to avoid excessive costs and transit problems, making every country self sustainable. For Instance, an advanced mobile phone that is made in China and the US costs double the price in countries like India, which made them initiate their own mobile production with similar features, to make them affordable to all the people of India instead of importing. Therefore, in-home production benefits nation's employment and empowerment. However, constantly competing with other countries has created an urge to be more innovative and efficient in what we produce, and to maintain a relatively better quality. Even though the idea is to be able to supply what we need, this has turned into a business to expand to the other countries outsmarting their products. Companies tend to create pressure, which forces people to work more than required, increasing the workload and stress levels. Besides, industrialisation has increased and companies have established their branches in every city, increasing the pollution and causing several environmental effects. Government should encourage self manufacturing goods, but at the same time take control measures to reduce the negative impact of the growing manufacturing industry, which might eventually affect the health and well-being of the nation. To sum up, it is essential to make the resources we have useful to generate the products we require, but the social and environmental factors should be considered to avoid detrimental results on the mankind. Henceforth, I agree that a balanced amount of production with control measures by the government can be a successful idea for the growing nation.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
has put an invisible pressure on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be in the race of increase in productivity for improving the economic growth of the nation.
Even though
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
constantly
strive to be a self producer with a better quality commodities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
should not be the ultimate goal. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the standards of living of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their happiness,
besides
achieving the economic goals. On balance, I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with the above, as there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
note on both the sides.

First
and foremost, a country's economic status defines the development status when compared to other's in the world. With the increase in technology and standards of living, more and more resources
are required
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy the infrastructure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.
In addition
, export businesses
also
play a major role on a global scale, which
indirectly
owes one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Moreover
, generating the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
became the priority to avoid excessive costs and transit problems, making every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
self sustainable.
For Instance
, an advanced mobile phone that
is made
in China and the US costs double the price in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India, which made them initiate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
with similar features, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them affordable to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of India
instead
of importing.
Therefore
, in-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
benefits nation's employment and empowerment.

However
,
constantly
competing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has created an urge to be more innovative and efficient in what we produce, and to maintain a
relatively
better quality.
Even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to be able to supply what we need, this has turned into a business to expand to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
outsmarting their products.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
tend to create pressure, which forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work more than required, increasing the workload and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.
Besides
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
has increased and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have established their branches in every city, increasing the pollution and causing several environmental effects.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should encourage self manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time take control measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of the growing manufacturing industry, which might
eventually
affect the health and well-being of the nation.

To sum up, it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the resources we have useful to generate the products we require,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the social and environmental factors should
be considered
to avoid detrimental results on the mankind. Henceforth, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a balanced amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
with control measures by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can be a successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the growing nation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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