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Nowadays, there is a trend that the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Nowadays, there is a trend that the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. v. 1
In the modern world, many individuals are concerned about recent news, because being on course is essential for daily life. In this regard, there is an opinion that mass media is solely concentrating on negative news and burning issues of society rather than positive developments. There is no denying that in order to react to the challenges and overcome obstacles, members of society should be informed about recent news, especially negative ones. This is because, individuals should be aware about the changes and start preparations in advance. Otherwise, these challenges can lead to the negative outcomes. A good illustration of this is diseases and emergencies, such as viruses and forest fires. For example, due to mass media the information about the Coronavirues is spread across the world, which is beneficial for the world population, because as soon as they receive news about the COVID-19, they immediately started actions in order to avoid the negative outcomes. On the other hand, there is an opinion that mass media should focus on the positive developments, because it can motivate people, and raise their moods. Accordingly, they can feel a sense of fulfilment, which is critical for the people, if they are willing to be a happy person. That is to say, blessed person can achieve their goals, while the individuals, who are influenced by bad news, and struggle with its negative consequences. For instance, the individuals are encouraged by other people's achievements, and they will do their best in order to accomplish their personal purposes. In conclusion, although there is an opinion that concentrating on positive developments can encourage the people, others feel that focusing on challenges and obstacles can be beneficial for the members of society, because they will be more organized in case of trouble. In this reason, the majority of people believe that the last option is not harmful for the people.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are concerned
about recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being on course is essential for daily life. In this regard, there is an opinion that mass media is
solely
concentrating on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and burning issues of society
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments.

There is no denying that in order to react to the challenges and overcome obstacles, members of society should
be informed
about recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
ones. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be aware about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preparations in advance.
Otherwise
, these challenges can lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
outcomes. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is diseases and emergencies, such as viruses and forest fires.
For example
, due to mass media the information about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Coronavirues
is spread
across the world, which is beneficial for the world population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the COVID-19, they immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
actions in order to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
outcomes.

On the other hand
, there is an opinion that mass media should focus on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and raise their moods.
Accordingly
, they can feel a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
, which is critical for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if they are willing to be a happy person.
That is
to say, blessed person can achieve their goals, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, who
are influenced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, and struggle with its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are encouraged
by other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's achievements, and they will do their best in order to accomplish their personal purposes.

In conclusion
, although there is an opinion that concentrating on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments can encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others feel that focusing on challenges and obstacles can be beneficial for the members of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be more organized in case of trouble. In this reason, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the last option is not harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, there is a trend that the media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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