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Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime. Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done. What are your views? v.1

Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime. Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done. What are your views? v. 1
Crimes are on an increase with each passing day. Because of this, many people are scared to leave their home to ensure the safety of themselves and their family members. Unable to find a solution, many people think that nothing can be done to stop these crimes from happening, while some are still looking for ways to curb them. Personally, I don't side with the notion of accepting the fact that crime rates can't be controlled any further. Given how crimes are increasing every day, it feels like home is a safer place to be than out in the streets. Besides, with every measure the government is taking, criminals still find a way out. Hence people have lost hope. However some people are striving hard to come up with better plans to catch such criminals. They want to keep peace and harmony in the society and hence are working along with police and other judicial systems. In my opinion, we can't sit back at home accepting the fact that crime rates have gone beyond our control. There should be an active involvement to help the Police in complaining about the crimes they spot. This will give a heads-up to the Police and chances of catching the criminals would increase. Moreover, we must all be aware of our surroundings and try not to indulge in conversations with shady people. Being active and responsible people will help us curb the fear of crimes and make the world a safer place to live in. In conclusion, though the fear of leaving homes because of crimes is understandable, this problem can be mitigated by being responsible and helpful to each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are on an increase with each passing day.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are scared
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home to ensure the safety of themselves and their family members. Unable to find a solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nothing can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
from happening, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
still
looking for ways to curb them.
Personally
, I don't side with the notion of accepting the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates can't
be controlled
any
further
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are increasing every day, it feels like home is a safer place to be than out in the streets.
Besides
, with every measure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is taking, criminals
still
find a way out.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lost hope.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with better plans to catch such criminals. They want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
peace and harmony in the society and
hence
are working along with police and other judicial systems.

In my opinion, we can't sit back at home accepting the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates have gone beyond our control. There should be an active involvement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the Police in complaining about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
they spot. This will give a heads-up to the Police and chances of catching the criminals would increase.
Moreover
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
all be aware of our surroundings and try not to indulge in conversations with shady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Being active and responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us curb the fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a safer place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.

In conclusion
, though the fear of leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is understandable, this problem can
be mitigated
by being responsible and helpful to each other.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are too scared to leave their home because of a fear of crime. Some people think that more should be done to prevent crime, whereas others feel that nothing can be done. What are your views? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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