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In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.15

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 15
Teenagers face restriction to move freely in some parts of the US if they are not having an adult with them after a certain time at night. In the essay below, I will state, why I choose to side with this policy. It is the responsibility of the state to protect its citizens; therefore, in some parts of the US, a curfew is placed as these areas are identified with the history of criminal activities especially during the night. Robbers and street criminals favorite easy targets and teenagers are the right choices as they are not mature to handle such situations. I know one such incident that happened with my brother when he was robbed while he was commuting home late at night. Moreover, young people are curious to explore and in their quest to find what lurks in dark, consequently, they often trap themselves in danger. Furthermore, another factor to account for is the suitability of nightlife for teenagers. As they are immature and easily carried away with friends, hence, it is possible that they get involved in thrilling yet dangerous activities such as drugs usage. Many studies show that people who are addicted used drugs initially when they were in their teen years. Also, it was a friend who encouraged taking a small step towards drugs, just for the sake of a new experience, however, this directs the affected on the path of self-destruction. To conclude, I must say that it is in the benefit of many to restrict the independent movement of teenagers during late night hours and authorities shall ensure its implementation in its true spirit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
face restriction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
freely
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the US if they are not having an adult with them after a certain time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. In the essay below, I will state, why I choose to side with this policy.

It is the responsibility of the state to protect its citizens;
therefore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the US, a curfew
is placed
as these areas
are identified
with the history of criminal activities
especially
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. Robbers and street criminals favorite easy targets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are the right choices as they are not mature to handle such situations. I know one such incident that happened with my brother when he
was robbed
while he was commuting home late at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
Moreover
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are curious to explore and in their quest to find what lurks in dark,
consequently
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
trap themselves in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

Furthermore
, another factor to account for is the suitability of nightlife for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. As they are immature and
easily
carried away with friends,
hence
, it is possible that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in thrilling
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities such as drugs usage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are addicted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
drugs
initially
when they were in their teen years.
Also
, it was a friend who encouraged taking a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
step towards drugs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of a new experience,
however
, this directs the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on the path of self-destruction.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that it is in the benefit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to restrict the independent movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
during late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
hours and authorities shall ensure its implementation in its true spirit.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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