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Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to the software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to the software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
It is argued that these days many people are deciding to give access to the technology firms with their private information in return for permission to use the software. This essay will argue that despite there being potential security risks while providing data, the benefit of being educated about new products far outweigh any drawback. Admittedly, there is a basic drawback of security concern, because some companies published the personal data of a client at some platforms without their consent. Due to which there is a threat that some people assumes fake identities on the internet, misuse this data and demand ransom for reciprocating the crime. For instance, in 2017 in the United Kingdom, a gang was accused of cyber-crime, they were involved in identity theft, and credit card frauds by using personal data of software users. However, confidential data sharing does not need to be like this and concerns could be reduced if people choose wisely by not given the opportunity to be scammed and confirm that whether the company is genuine or fake. Despite the drawback above, data sharing by the customer begets benefits in terms of getting awareness about products and services in the market. In other words, many software houses sell data to the advertising companies and in return, costumer gets the latest and up-to-date information about a plethora of products without doing any laborious work. For example, a survey report published in the Daily Times of America reveals that 74% of the users find data sharing useful in terms of getting the latest information. This opportunity means that an exchange of data with the software excess is very worthwhile and eclipses any fear of security threats. To conclude, the data exchange gives a person a chance to get know-how about enormous new trends far outweighs the supposed disadvantage of being exploited while sharing personal information.
It
is argued
that these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are deciding to give access to the technology firms with their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in return for permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
. This essay will argue that despite there being potential security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
while providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, the benefit of
being educated
about new products far outweigh any drawback.

Admittedly
, there is a basic drawback of security concern,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
published the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of a client at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
platforms without their consent. Due to which there is a threat that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
assumes
fake identities on the internet, misuse this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and demand ransom for reciprocating the crime.
For instance
, in 2017 in the United Kingdom, a gang
was accused
of cyber-crime, they
were involved
in identity theft, and credit card frauds by using personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
users.
However
, confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
does not need to be like this and concerns could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose
wisely
by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
be scammed
and confirm that whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is genuine or fake.

Despite the drawback above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
by the customer begets benefits in terms of getting awareness about products and services in the market.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to the advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and in return, costumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the latest and up-to-date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about a plethora of products without doing any laborious work.
For example
, a survey report published in the Daily Times of America reveals that 74% of the users find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
useful in terms of getting the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. This opportunity means that an exchange of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
excess is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worthwhile and eclipses any fear of security threats.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
exchange gives a person a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
know-how about enormous new trends far outweighs the supposed disadvantage of
being exploited
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to the software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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