Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people are exercising less. Some people say that by watching major sport events on television such as the Olympics, people can be encouraged to exercise. Others say there are other ways to encourage people to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many people are exercising less. Some people say that by watching major sport events on television such as the Olympics, people can be encouraged to exercise. Others say there are other ways to encourage people to exercise. v. 1
The importance of exercise cannot be over-emphasized. While some people are of the perception that viewing core sport programmes on television screens will motivate people to work out more, others think there are other methods to make people do so. I, however, support the latter for a number of reasons. To begin with, those that say by watching sports people will engage in it more say so because nowadays people tend to aggravate towards and do what their icons do. This is because they see them as role models and want to attain the level of agility and activity that they possess such that it will make them less sedentary in nature. A good example is a teenage who recently got signed up by a popular football club, when interviewed, he said he picked up the interest after watch Ronaldo on screen hence consistently exercising to practice and perform better. This is to show the impact that aired sport events have on people. On the other hand, I believe that periodical health campaigns and charity fund-raising walks will make people exercise more. Firstly, by making people know their numbers, with respect to blood test values for pressure, glucose and lipids, people will be more aware of their health and be more intentional about their lifestyle when they know that engaging in exercise will reduce sedentary levels. In addition, fund-raising walks will make people exercise more because when people find a cause which they are passionate about and would mean them soliciting for funds through walks, they will definitely participate in it. For example is renovating an old town hall. In conclusion, I do not agree that watching important sport programmes such as FIFA that are aired on television screens would make people work-out more but health campaigns and awareness as well as fun-raising walks will help.
The importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
cannot be over-emphasized. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the perception that viewing core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on television screens will motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work out more, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are other methods to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. I,
however
, support the latter for a number of reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those that say by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will engage in it more say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to aggravate towards and do what their icons do. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them as role models and want to attain the level of agility and activity that they possess such that it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them less sedentary in nature. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is a teenage who recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
signed up by a popular football club, when interviewed, he said he picked up the interest after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Ronaldo on screen
hence
consistently
exercising to practice and perform better. This is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the impact that aired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
have on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, I believe that periodical health campaigns and charity fund-raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walks
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more.
Firstly
, by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know their numbers, with respect to blood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
values for pressure, glucose and lipids,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more aware of their health and be more intentional about their lifestyle when they know that engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
sedentary levels.
In addition
, fund-raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walks
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find a cause which they are passionate about and would mean them soliciting for funds through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walks
, they will definitely participate in it.
For example
is renovating an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
town hall.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
such as FIFA that
are aired
on television screens would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work-out more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
health campaigns and awareness
as well
as fun-raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walks
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many people are exercising less. Some people say that by watching major sport events on television such as the Olympics, people can be encouraged to exercise. Others say there are other ways to encourage people to exercise. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts