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Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some think that people can be encouraged to live healthy through sporting events such as Olympics or World Cup. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and state you opinion. v.2

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some think that people can be encouraged to live healthy through sporting events such as Olympics or World Cup. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. v. 2
It has been observed in recent years that there is an increasing concern regarding peoples' health as they are not physically active enough. Hence this has affected their well being. So, it has been proposed by some people that promoting a big sports event as the Olympics or World cup could encourage people to exercise while others think a better solution exists such as increasing the awareness of the importance of such issues and providing public facilities. This essay will discuss both sides and provide my opinion that other methods are more effective in encouraging people to keep fit. On one hand, some individuals believe that worldwide sport events are becoming more like business events where the organisational units aim only to gain money. Sadly, they push people to watch these events rather than inspire them to practise sports. For instance, adults following football will probably prefer to buy a ticket to watch the game rather than a gym membership. Nevertheless, people start considering such events more like TV series rather an example to follow. On the other hand, other individuals consider health as one of the main concerns these days. More men and women are trying to find adequate manners to encourage adults to be active. Among these ways is organizing local events such as family workout. Thus, this may help attract grownups to exercise, especially parents as they can bring their kids along. In addition, providing sports equipment in public parks could solve the timing problem for many working people. In conclusion, the two sides of the argument concerning the best ways to encourage people to engage in more physical activities have a strong support. However, it is clear that the impact of local events is greater than world sports events. Given that we live in an age where people are getting lazier, it seems wise to get behind the idea that people's health will decrease unless serious changes were made, whether we like it or not.
It has
been observed
in recent years that there is an increasing concern regarding peoples' health as they are not
physically
active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it has
been proposed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that promoting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
as the Olympics or World cup could encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exercise while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a better solution exists such as increasing the awareness of the importance of such issues and providing public facilities. This essay will discuss both sides and provide my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods are more effective in encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are becoming more like business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
where the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
units aim
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to gain money.
Sadly
, they push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
rather
than inspire them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, adults following football will
probably
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a ticket to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the game
rather
than a gym membership.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
considering such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
more like TV series
rather
an example to follow.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals consider health as one of the main concerns these days. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are trying to find adequate manners to encourage adults to be active. Among these ways is organizing local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as family workout.
Thus
, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
attract grownups to exercise,
especially
parents as they can bring their kids along.
In addition
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment in public parks could solve the timing problem for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the two sides of the argument concerning the best ways to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in more physical activities have a strong support.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the impact of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is greater than world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an age where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting lazier, it seems wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
behind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health will decrease unless serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
were made
, whether we like it or not.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some think that people can be encouraged to live healthy through sporting events such as Olympics or World Cup. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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