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Many people are choosing to find information online rather than in books. Is this development positive or negative? v.6

Many people are choosing to find information online rather than in books. Is this development positive or negative? v. 6
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is that an increasing number of people do not use books in order to search any information instead of this they use the internet. In my opinion, while people can widen their knowledge when they use the internet, I believe that this development is negative as it leads to the loss of national history and cultural heritage. Firstly, it must be admitted that when people use the internet for searching any data it helps them to widen their knowledge. In other words, people read a lot of additional information in the internet when they try to find special information. Moreover, they learn many new things in the internet about cultures and history from distant countries and they get knowledge about world history. As a result, people become more intelligent and enlightened about many things about humankind being and their knowledge become richer than it was in the past. On the other hand, I believe that this trend is negative as less people use the books as more they become unnecessary for humankind. The reason to this is that when people do not use books they lose interest and do not value them. As a result, people do not save books at their homes and in the libraries, they throw away them as a garbage, consequently, people forget about cultural and national heritage. Another point to consider, is that there are a lot of incorrect information in the internet about history and this data can misled our younger generation. For example, the most popular web resource “Wikipedia” this source is open source and any people can write and correct any history facts, as a result people have already lost some of important information. In conclusion, although people can learn and discover many new interest facts about human’s history via the internet, I consider that it will lead to negative consequences such as history loss and having wrong information about our history.
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in order to search any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
instead
of this they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet. In my opinion, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can widen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet, I believe that this development is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
as it leads to the loss of national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and cultural heritage.

Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for searching any data it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to widen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
when they try to find special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Moreover
, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
about cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
from distant
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more intelligent and enlightened about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about humankind being and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
become richer than it was in the past.

On the other hand
, I believe that this trend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
as
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as more they become unnecessary for humankind. The reason to this is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
they lose interest and do not value them.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at their homes and in the libraries, they throw away them as a garbage,
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget about cultural and national heritage. Another point to consider, is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and this data can misled our younger generation.
For example
, the most popular web resource “Wikipedia” this source is open source and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can write and correct any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
facts,
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have already lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn and discover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new interest facts about human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
via the internet, I consider that it will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
loss and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Many people are choosing to find information online rather than in books. Is this development positive or negative? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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