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Many people are choosing to find information online rather than in books. Is this development positive or negative? v.4

Many people are choosing to find information online rather than in books. Is this development positive or negative? v. 4
Today, people will commit different atrocities. In order to maintain law and order in the society, judiciary gives out appropriate punishment. The prompt states that the best way to punish offenders is by remanding them in prison. This essay will discuss why I completely disagree with this statement Admittedly, imprisonment might be the best form of punishment. For instance, forgery or stealing. The individual is remanded for a given period of time during which reformation programs are organised. It is believed that the individual's stay in prison might reform such an individual and consequently become a better version of himself. However, there are situations in which the individuals involved are regarded as criminals by the law, but all that is needed to turn the persons around is some months of community service. In addition, the prison might be too harsh for such a person and remanding them will only make them worse. On the other hand, imprisonment might be too lenient for some crimes. For example, a serial killer on the loose. There is no reforming such person, therefore, the essence of sending this person to a place where reformation can be achieved would be useless. Hence, in cases like this, spending some time locked up is not enough. In conclusion, I absolutely disagree that every criminal deserves to the remanded. While some deserve it, others deserve less or more punishment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
atrocities. In order to maintain law and order in the society, judiciary gives out appropriate punishment. The prompt states that the best way to punish offenders is by remanding them in prison. This essay will discuss why I completely disagree with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
statement


Admittedly
, imprisonment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the best form of punishment.
For instance
, forgery or stealing. The individual
is remanded
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time during which reformation programs are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
. It
is believed
that the individual's stay in prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
reform such an individual and
consequently
become a better version of himself.

However
, there are situations in which the individuals involved
are regarded
as criminals by the law,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all that
is needed
to turn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
around is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
months of community service.
In addition
, the prison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be too harsh for such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and remanding them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them worse.
On the other hand
, imprisonment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be too lenient for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crimes.
For example
, a serial killer on the loose. There is no reforming such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
therefore
, the essence of sending this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to a place where reformation can
be achieved
would be useless.
Hence
, in cases like this, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time locked up is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

In conclusion
, I
absolutely
disagree that every criminal deserves to the remanded. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deserve it, others deserve less or more punishment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are choosing to find information online rather than in books. Is this development positive or negative? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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