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The chart below shows the percentage of school leavers entering higher education ie colleges and universities and graduate earnings 1 year after graduation v.1

The chart below shows the percentage of school leavers entering higher education ie colleges and universities and graduate earnings 1 year after graduation v. 1
Some children at school are more intelligent than others. While some people are of the view that students of comparable academic capabilities should be grouped together, others believe that it is better to have a variety of children in each class and I agree with this point of view. Segregating them into classes helps with group study and more focused tutoring, but it also can instigate inferiority complex in the less capable students. Some people feel that grouping the students with similar brain power in one class can help them learn better. According to this point of view, the teachers can focus more on the weaker students and give them more time. Furthermore, it can also promote group study amongst class fellows. If they are weak in the same subject, for instance, they can help one another by discussing the topics. This way, they can motivate each other and learn better. On the other hand, some people think that students can develop inferiority complex due to the segregation into different classes based on academic aptitude. This is a big problem because this feeling can result in them being resentful of the others. Children, then, tend to grow jealous of the better performing students. Ultimately, fighting and bullying can be a consequence. Therefore, division of students into classes according to their academic performance is not a wise option. To conclude, I think that classes should represent an assorted range of intellectual abilities. If students are stratified like this, some can feel inferior to the others. The outcome is far more detrimental and can in turn have a negative effect on their learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
children at school are more intelligent than others. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of comparable academic capabilities should
be grouped
together, others believe that it is better to have a variety of children in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view. Segregating them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
with group study and more focused tutoring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
can instigate inferiority complex in the less capable students.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that grouping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with similar brain power in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn better. According to this point of view, the teachers can focus more on the weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and give them more time.
Furthermore
, it can
also
promote group study amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
fellows. If they are weak in the same subject,
for instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one another by discussing the topics. This way, they can motivate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and learn better.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop inferiority complex due to the segregation into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
based on academic aptitude. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this feeling can result in them being resentful of the others. Children, then, tend to grow jealous of the better performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Ultimately
, fighting and bullying can be a consequence.
Therefore
, division of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
according to their academic performance is not a wise option.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
should represent an assorted range of intellectual abilities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are stratified
like this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can feel inferior to the others. The outcome is far more detrimental and can in turn have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their learning.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the percentage of school leavers entering higher education ie colleges and universities and graduate earnings 1 year after graduation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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