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Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant e v.2

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school 2
Nowadays, an increasing number of parents have a tendency to send their children to extra classes after school or even at weekends. They believe that it is essential to do so, however, I completely disagree with this point of view. I think children have been provided sufficient knowledge at school. Admittedly, many parents want their children to gain more knowledge. They, therefore, either hire private tutors or send their children to study centers in the evenings. Nonetheless, it is unnecessary because children have already learnt enough during a school-day. Teachers, also, provide homework in order for them to review what were taught at home. After 8 hours studying at school, all students must have been tired and need to relax rather than continue other studies. In other words, if students learn in fatigue condition, the parents waste not only their money but also their children’s time and health. In addition, children should be encouraged to experience different things at that time. Spending time on hobbies enables students to develop their creativity as well as other social skills, such as communication, solving problems skills which have significant impacts on their career paths. Besides, they can use the spare time to do some exercises for better health. Swimming at the weekends, for example, helps to strengthen their endurance and keep their bodies in good shapes. Moreover, children can support their parents with the choirs, and by doing this, they are capable of improving their sense of responsibilities. In conclusion, although many people argue that it is worthwhile to organize extra classes for their children after a school-day or at the weekends, I believe that the children have adequate education at school and they are in need of relaxation or hobby to develop themselves.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to extra classes after school or even at weekends. They believe that it is essential to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
however
, I completely disagree with this point of view. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
been provided
sufficient knowledge at school.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain more knowledge. They,
therefore
, either hire private tutors or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study centers in the evenings. Nonetheless, it is unnecessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have already
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
during a school-day. Teachers,
also
, provide homework in order for them to review what
were taught
at home. After 8 hours studying at school, all students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
been tired
and need to relax
rather
than continue other studies.
In other words
, if students learn in fatigue condition, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
waste not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and health.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on hobbies enables students to develop their creativity
as well
as other social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as communication, solving problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which have significant impacts on their career paths.
Besides
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises for better health. Swimming at the weekends,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to strengthen their endurance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their bodies in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shapes.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with the choirs, and by doing this, they are capable of improving their sense of responsibilities.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is worthwhile to organize extra classes for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after a school-day or at the weekends, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have adequate education at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they are in need of relaxation or hobby to develop themselves.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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