Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant e v.1

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school 1
Some individuals claim that scientific studies should be conducted by governments instead of companies. While it is true that the authorities need to be responsible for carrying out research, I would argue that these activities should also be done by private companies. To begin with, there are some benefits of governments taking care of scientific research. Firstly, as governments of different countries can co-operate with each other, they may be able to conduct studies on a larger scale which require larger investment. For instance, they can carry out research into ways of dealing with global warming. Secondly, unlike private companies, governments tend to pay more attention to research areas that can benefit society as a whole. Studies related to environmental issues or crime rates are great examples. By contrast, companies usually only focus on maximising profits rather than helping all citizens. However, I believe that private companies should also share the responsibility to conduct scientific research. The first reason is that this could help to ease the pressure on government’s budget. As a result, citizens would have to pay lower taxes, and the authorities would also have more cash to spend on other important areas such as education or military. Another reason is that since the top priority of companies is to earn money, they would have more motivation to conduct research more quickly and more efficiently. For example, a company called Tesla has been carrying out extensive research in order to produce electric cars and bring them to the market. In conclusion, I believe that both governments and private companies should be involved in research activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals claim that scientific studies should
be conducted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. While it is true that the authorities need to be responsible for carrying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, I would argue that these activities should
also
be done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
taking care of scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
Firstly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries can co-operate with each other, they may be able to conduct studies on a larger scale which require larger investment.
For instance
, they can carry out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
into ways of dealing with global warming.
Secondly
, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
tend to pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
areas that can benefit society as a whole. Studies related to environmental issues or crime rates are great examples. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximising' is British English.
maximising
profits
rather
than helping all citizens.

However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
also
share the responsibility to conduct scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. The
first
reason is that this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
budget.
As a result
, citizens would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay lower taxes, and the authorities would
also
have more cash to spend on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas such as education or military. Another reason is that since the top priority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is to earn money, they would have more motivation to conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
more
quickly
and more
efficiently
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
called Tesla has been carrying out extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in order to produce electric cars and bring them to the market.

In conclusion
, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
be involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts