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Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school? v.1

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school? v. 1
The pressure exerted onto children nowadays is immense. Not only are many schools transformed into all-day establishments, but for many children the end of school is not the end of their day. Parents often organise extra classes after school and at the weekends to educate their children further. It is argued that this is unnecessary pressure, as children have enough education at school In most schools, children are educated in the sciences, languages and mathematics, as well as physical education and the arts. This wide range of subjects is aimed at creating a well-rounded student. Due to this variety, extra classes are unnecessary, as the student can adequately learn to be exposed to all different aspects of education. Furthermore, additional classes can lead to stressed children that are incapable of performing well in school, as they lack time to really comprehend and practice the knowledge learned. Therefore, extra classes can actually lead to students performing worse in school, as the students cannot fully grasp any knowledge that they learn, whether in school or in the extra classes. However, in some schools the range is not as developed as it should be or the level that they are at is not sufficient for a student. In this case it does make sense to further educate children outside of school. Whether the extra classes have positive or negative effects depends solely on the child and how they perform in school. In conclusion, extra classes can be helpful to some students who are not challenged enough in school. Parents should be careful about deciding whether their children need the extra help or whether free time for playing and relaxation might be more beneficial.
The pressure exerted onto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays is immense. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
transformed into all-day establishments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their day. Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and at the weekends to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
further
. It
is argued
that this is unnecessary pressure, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
education at
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
school


In most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are educated
in the sciences, languages and mathematics,
as well
as physical education and the arts. This wide range of subjects
is aimed
at creating a well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Due to this variety,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are unnecessary, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
adequately
learn to
be exposed
to all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of education.
Furthermore
, additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that are incapable of performing well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, as they lack time to
really
comprehend and practice the knowledge learned.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can actually lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
performing worse in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot
fully
grasp any knowledge that they learn, whether in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
classes.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
the range is not as developed as it should be or the level that they are at is not sufficient for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
In this case
it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense to
further
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects depends
solely
on the child and how they perform in school.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can be helpful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not challenged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Parents should be careful about deciding whether their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or whether free time for playing and relaxation might be more beneficial.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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