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Many parents send their children to a language center to learn a foreign language such as English as early as they are 5 or 6 years old. It is believed that they both enjoy some benefits and face some problems as well. Do you think the advantages outweigh v.1

Many parents send their children to a language center to learn a foreign language such as English as early as they are 5 or 6 years old. It is believed that they both enjoy some benefits and face some problems as well. Do you think the advantages outweigh v. 1
There has been a decrease in the number of youths that make use of the conventional way of media outreach. For example, reading newspapers and watching the television. This essay will discuss the two main reasons behind this problem. In addition, this essay will also suggest two main solutions that can be used to lessen this situation. Two main explanations for this noticeable decrease in the number of young adults following the news either on the television or reading papers are outdated data and interest. Most youths are not interested in the events happening in the world; hence, they rather spend their day on other activities of interest to them. Moreover, the report gotten from these conventional media sources is often outdated. Since these outlets are not the only sources where one can learn about recent events, the youths of today would rather follow media platforms where up to date information can be provided. Two solutions which can alleviate this issue are the introduction of civic education in schools and updated data. The impact of education on young people is greater than we realize. Institutes should introduce specific subjects so as to make their students interested in secular topics. For instance, a research carried out at Harvard showed that students who attended institutes which has incorporated civic education in their curriculum are more prone to listening to the news. Furthermore, news outlets should dispense updated news to the public. In conclusion, more and more young people in the society today will rarely listen to news using the conventional means. This write-up discussed the two reasons for this problem, including lack of interest and outdated information. This write-up also suggested how this problem can be reduced, including a better curriculum in schools and recent news coverage.
There has been a decrease in the number of youths that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the conventional way of media outreach.
For example
, reading newspapers and watching the television. This essay will discuss the two main reasons behind this problem.
In addition
, this essay will
also
suggest two main solutions that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to lessen this situation.

Two main explanations for this noticeable decrease in the number of young adults following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
either on the television or reading papers
are outdated
data and interest. Most youths are not interested in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening in the world;
hence
, they
rather
spend their day on other activities of interest to them.
Moreover
, the report gotten from these conventional media sources is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
outdated. Since these outlets are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sources where one can learn about recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, the youths of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
would
rather
follow media platforms where up to date information can
be provided
.

Two solutions which can alleviate this issue are the introduction of civic education in schools and updated data. The impact of education on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
greater than we realize. Institutes should introduce specific subjects
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their students interested in secular topics.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out at Harvard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that students who attended institutes which has incorporated civic education in their curriculum are more prone to listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
outlets should dispense updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to the public.

In conclusion
, more and more young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
will rarely listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
using the conventional means. This write-up discussed the two reasons for this problem, including lack of interest and outdated information. This write-up
also
suggested how this problem can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, including a better curriculum in schools and recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
coverage.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents send their children to a language center to learn a foreign language such as English as early as they are 5 or 6 years old. It is believed that they both enjoy some benefits and face some problems as well. Do you think the advantages outweigh v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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