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Many believe that modern technology has given us more leisure time than before while others say the opposite discuss both views and then give your own opinion. v.1

Many believe that modern technology has given us more leisure time than before while others say the opposite v. 1
It is a common fact that more immigrants from developing nations to developed ones in order to seek for a better living environment for their children. Some people support their decisions will benefit their children's growth; while, others believe that new living environments will bring drawbacks for their children. The essay will discuss the both views and presents my support to the former view. To begin with, leaving a developed nation will provide more friendly and peaceful living environment for children. Moreover, harmonious communities, better educational resources, clean living environment with close-zero pollutions, and universal health care system in rich countries will benefit children's thriving as well. For example, Chinese immigrants in Canada provide a safer environment for their Chinese to thrive there. At least, in the current contemporary are, their children are living in a society without being threatened by corona viruses. Their children have much happier lives in schools without facing extremely heavy study tasks as those in China. On the other hand, some people believe that relocating to a new nation will bring negative impact on the young newcomers. They will encounter with culture shocks, language barriers, different climates, and so on. All these will create challenges for these young newcomers. For example, after landing in Canada, all young newcomers are required to write English exam and then will be placed in ESL classes. All these newcomers may feel detrimentally due to language barriers in new schools.  They may suffer from psychological issues due to lack of new friends and support from their parents who are also facing similar conditions as well. I personally opine that emigrate to developed countries will benefit the younger generation if they can focus on overcoming cultural shocks by learning the language and being open-mind to accept a new culture at the beginning. Moreover, newcomers should obtain assistances from local communities to adapt themselves to navigate the societies and be willing to learn the different cultures. In conclusion, relocating toward a rich nation will face challenges due to above reasons. However, the relocation will benefit the young newcomers if they are willing to work hard to adapt themselves to learn in the new environments. Moreover,  parents should start to educate their children before they plan to relocate in order to prevent the above drawbacks.
It is a common fact that more immigrants from developing
nations
to developed ones in order to seek for a better
living
environment
for their
children
.
Some
people
support their decisions will
benefit
their children's growth; while, others believe that
new
living
environments
will bring drawbacks for their
children
. The essay will discuss the both views and presents my support to the former view.

To
begin
with, leaving a developed
nation
will provide more friendly and peaceful
living
environment
for
children
.
Moreover
, harmonious communities, better educational resources, clean
living
environment
with close-zero pollutions, and universal health care system in rich countries will
benefit
children's thriving
as well
.
For example
, Chinese immigrants in Canada provide a safer
environment
for their Chinese to thrive there. At least, in the
current
contemporary are, their
children
are
living
in a society without
being threatened
by
corona viruses
. Their
children
have much happier
lives
in schools without facing
extremely
heavy study tasks as those in China.

On the other hand
,
some
people
believe that relocating to a
new
nation
will bring
negative
impact on the
young
newcomers
. They will encounter with culture shocks, language barriers,
different
climates, and
so
on. All these will create challenges for these
young
newcomers
.
For example
, after landing in Canada, all
young
newcomers
are required
to write English exam and then will
be placed
in ESL classes. All these
newcomers
may feel
detrimentally
due to language barriers in
new
schools.  They may suffer from psychological issues due to lack of
new
friends and support from their parents who are
also
facing similar conditions
as well
.

I
personally
opine that emigrate to
developed countries
will
benefit
the younger generation if they can focus on overcoming cultural shocks by learning the language and being open-mind to accept a
new
culture at the beginning.
Moreover
,
newcomers
should obtain
assistances
from local communities to adapt themselves to navigate the societies and be willing to learn the
different
cultures.

In conclusion
, relocating toward a rich
nation
will face challenges due to above reasons.
However
, the relocation will
benefit
the
young
newcomers
if they are willing to work
hard
to adapt themselves to learn in the
new
environments
.
Moreover
,
 
parents should
start
to educate their
children
before
they plan to relocate in order to
prevent
the above drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many believe that modern technology has given us more leisure time than before while others say the opposite v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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