Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

There are some problems in the changing room in your sport center Write a letter to the sport center manager In your letter you should describe the problems in the changing room explain why the sport center is important for you suggest what the manager sh v.1

There are some problems in the changing room in your sport center Write a letter to the sport center manager In your letter you should describe the problems in the changing room explain why the sport center is important for you suggest what the manager sh v. 1
The upbringing of a child has always been a contentious issue. Moreover, certain individuals believe that parents are responsible for their children’s growth and welfare, whereas others think that the rest of the family members should also be involved. In my opinion, I certainly agree that relatives should be included in raising children owing to the decision of the parents. In this essay, we shall discuss this topic further. In a nuclear family, a child is accustomed to their relatives much better than their parents. Moreover, children learn not only various social skills, but also have different opinions and ideas about everything, plus being involved with relatives such as grandparents allows younger individuals to learn more. For example, the grandmother nurtures their grandchild to be more kind and humble, while the grandfather teaches them to be honest and courageous. Additionally, the child feels more secure and protected because of extended family members. In addition to this, offsprings also have a more extensive support system to guide as well as support them. On the contrary, sometimes parents are not comfortable with other people teaching their offspring. For instance, the differences among families about morals and values affect the environment, the children grow and thus are condemned by most parents. Furthermore, an offspring is more familiar with his/her parent rather than someone else. To reiterate, the young generation is considered the future; therefore, in my view, it is always an excellent decision to include members of the family to raise children as there are more benefits than the drawbacks. After a thorough analysis of the subject, the joint effort of the parent and relative can brighten the future of the young individual.
The upbringing of a child has always been a contentious issue.
Moreover
, certain individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth and welfare, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should
also
be involved
. In my opinion, I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
should
be included
in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
owing to the decision of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In this essay, we shall discuss this topic
further
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, a child
is accustomed
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
much better than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
various social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about everything, plus
being involved
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
such as grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
younger individuals to learn more.
For example
, the grandmother nurtures their grandchild to be more kind and humble, while the grandfather teaches them to be honest and courageous.
Additionally
, the child feels more secure and protected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
In addition
to this,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
also
have a more extensive support system to guide
as well
as support them.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not comfortable with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
teaching their offspring.
For instance
, the differences among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
about morals and values affect the environment, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow and
thus
are condemned
by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Furthermore
, an offspring is more familiar with his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
rather
than someone else.

To reiterate, the young generation
is considered
the future;
therefore
, in my view, it is always an excellent decision to include members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as there are more benefits than the drawbacks. After a thorough analysis of the subject, the joint effort of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relative
can brighten the future of the young individual.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are some problems in the changing room in your sport center Write a letter to the sport center manager In your letter you should describe the problems in the changing room explain why the sport center is important for you suggest what the manager sh v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts