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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. v. 5
Some parents encourage children to leave the home once they become adults; others want adult children to continue to live with them. Both views will be discussed in this view. However, in my opinion, children should leave the parental home rather than staying with them. To make their grown-ups smarter and more independent some parents encourage their children to consider leaving their house once they reach a certain age. This is because adults learn about the importance of financial independence and emotional maturity only when they step out into the real world and face the challenges themselves. For example, when young people live away from their parents, they learn to manage their finances. They even pick up valuable life skills like cooking. Actually, many young adults who leave their parental home for studies or employment can perform almost all household tasks like cooking and cleaning without help. Living on their own also enables young people to enjoy privacy. On the other hand, young adults who stay with their family are believed to have stronger traditional values and family ties. This means that young adults staying at home develop a very close bond with their immediate family and this instils in them a firm sense of cultural belonging. However, many youngsters become overly dependent on family and even compromise their privacy when staying with their family under one roof. For example, Indians stay with their parents even after they turn 30 and learn to adjust but this costs them their privacy. To conclude, staying with family even after reaching adulthood may bolster the ties; however, in my opinion, young people should live on their own to become financially and emotionally secure adults.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the home once they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
; others want adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them. Both views will
be discussed
in this view.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the parental home
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
with them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their grown-ups smarter and more independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to consider leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
once they reach a certain age. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
learn about the importance of financial independence and emotional maturity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they step out into the real world and face the challenges themselves.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they learn to manage their finances. They even pick up valuable life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like cooking. Actually,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parental home for studies or employment can perform almost all household tasks like cooking and cleaning without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Living on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
also
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to enjoy privacy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are believed
to have stronger traditional values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
at home develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close bond with their immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and this
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
in them a firm sense of cultural belonging.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters become
overly
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and even compromise their privacy when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
under one roof.
For example
, Indians stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
even after they turn 30 and learn to adjust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this costs them their privacy.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
even after reaching adulthood may bolster the ties;
however
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to become
financially
and
emotionally
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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