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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 5
It is true that history should be introduced into the curriculum as a compulsory subject. While I agree that local history plays a leading role in the educational program, I also believe that world history is a better choice of subject for students. On the one hand, there are several reasons why students should focus on local history. Firstly, it is easier for students to learn about the history of where they live. Local history usually attaches to the activities in students' daily life. Take the North and South Viet Nam as an example. As the southerners have long been inhabiting a fertile region, they are very liberal with their money and often overspend. In contrast, the northerners usually have rigorous living standards and strict discipline since their history is connected with Confucian. Secondly, knowledge of ancestors is essential for students. For example, in Ha Noi, students are taught history about Dong Da mound where the national hero, Quang Trung, fought against the enemy to protect the country. This could pave the way for students to aware of their ancestors' contributions. On the other hand, it is wrong to reflect the argument in favor of the importance of world history educating. Firstly, general knowledge about worldwide history can equip students for their careers. Students need to gain a deep understanding of historical information about their chosen field to achieve long-term success. Secondly, world history exerts a strong influence on each country's history. This leads to learning about world history is an effective way to deeply understand local history. In conclusion, it is ludicrous to compare the local history and world history as they are equally important.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
be introduced
into the curriculum as a compulsory subject. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
plays a leading role in the educational program, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a better choice of subject for students.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Firstly
, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
usually
attaches to the activities in students' daily life. Take the North and South
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam as an example. As the southerners have long been inhabiting a fertile region, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
liberal with their money and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
overspend.
In contrast
, the northerners
usually
have rigorous living standards and strict discipline since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is connected
with Confucian.
Secondly
, knowledge of ancestors is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, in Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
about Dong
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
mound where the national hero,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quang
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trung
, fought against the enemy to protect the country. This could pave the way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to aware of their ancestors' contributions.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to reflect the argument in favor of the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
educating.
Firstly
, general knowledge about worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for their careers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
need to gain a deep understanding of historical information about their chosen field to achieve long-term success.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
exerts a strong influence on each country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. This leads to learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is an effective way to
deeply
understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
history.

In conclusion
, it is ludicrous to compare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as they are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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