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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. v. 1
With the tremendous influence of modernisation, remarkable changes have taken place in the family structure to such an extent that nowadays, youngsters are motivated by their parents to live alone as they grow up. However, some people are of the view that it is more practical for a youngster to live with their family. On the one hand, there are many positive aspects to youths living away from their parents at young age. This provides the opportunity to young people to live a life on their own terms and make any decisions without the interference of their parents. Besides, living alone not only makes them independent but also makes them self-reliant, which is a crucial life skill to their successful career. For instance, managing all the house chores such as cleaning, paying bills, cooking and so on will make them well experienced at learning and managing diverse activities and will also boost their confidence. On the other hand, there is no denying the fact that youngsters living away from their family may find themselves in circumstances that may adversely affect their life. Naïve and inexperienced young people in the absence of parental supervision are more likely to fall prey to bad influence and dangerous activities, such as drugs or alcohol consumption, which may jeopardise their career or lead them astray from moral values. However, this situation is less likely to take place with youngsters still living with their parents. Besides, emotional bonding and family relationships can be maintained better if everyone is living together under one roof. In my opinion, although encouraging youngsters to live alone may lead them to learn various life skills, negative aspects and risks associated with living alone can far outweigh the benefits.
With the tremendous influence of
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have taken place in the family structure to such an extent that nowadays, youngsters
are motivated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
as they grow up.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that it is more practical for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their family.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to youths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at young age. This provides the opportunity to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
terms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any decisions without the interference of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them self-reliant, which is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to their successful career.
For instance
, managing all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores such as cleaning, paying bills, cooking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them well experienced at learning and managing diverse activities and will
also
boost their confidence.

On the other hand
, there is no denying the fact that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from their family may find themselves in circumstances that may
adversely
affect their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. Naïve and inexperienced young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the absence of parental supervision are more likely to fall prey to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities, such as drugs or alcohol consumption, which may
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardise' is British English.
jeopardise
their career or lead them astray from moral values.
However
, this situation is less likely to take place with youngsters
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Besides
, emotional bonding and family relationships can
be maintained
better if everyone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
together under one roof.

In my opinion, although encouraging youngsters to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
may lead them to learn various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can far outweigh the benefits.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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