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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think that they should stay at home with the family. discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think that they should stay at home with the family. v. 2
It is well said that family is all and all for everyone. Presently, some proportion of masses believe that parents in their old age stimulate youngster to migrate in mega cities. By contrast, others have conflicting views. Here, I would like to account both the view points with my own perception. There are manifold points to support the former view. First and foremost, parents think that young people can not only get employment opportunities but also achieve higher study by migrating in another place. Apart from it, leaving home and settle in a big city is the best way to overcome the poverty and teenagers can learn many leaving skills such as washing clothes, making food, paying electricity bill and many more if they leave home. Therefore, leaving home is fruitful for young people' s future. Numerous points can be mentioned in the latter view. Initially, parents in their older age require a proper care. To illustrate, in later age parents feel monotonous and loneliness, they want to share their feelings and experience so it is the duty of youngster to take care of their parents in their older age. Moreover, parents do a lot for their children and fulfill all those needs that their children wants. Thus, young people must think that they get everything in their life only because of parents and stay with their parents. To recapitulate, Undeniably, in this era of inflation leaving home for working is the need of an hour. However, still I believe that without parents people life is like a bird without wings so people must think about parents.
It is well said that family is
This phrase is nonstandard. Did you mean "all in all" (=after all, nevertheless)?
all and all
for everyone.
Presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proportion of masses believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
stimulate youngster to migrate in mega cities. By contrast, others have conflicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
. Here, I would like to account both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
points with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

There are manifold points to support the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
achieve higher study by migrating in another place. Apart from it, leaving home and settle in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city is the best way to overcome the poverty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leaving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as washing clothes, making food, paying electricity bill and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home.
Therefore
, leaving home is fruitful for young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s future.

Numerous points can
be mentioned
in the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
require a proper care. To illustrate, in later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel monotonous and loneliness, they want to share their feelings and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the duty of youngster to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do a lot for their children and fulfill all those needs that their children wants.
Thus
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything in their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and stay with their parents.

To recapitulate,
Undeniably
, in this era of inflation leaving home for working is the need of an hour.
However
,
still
I believe that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life is like a bird without wings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think that they should stay at home with the family. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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