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more and more people read the news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

more and more people read the news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. v. 2
It is true that these day, there is a growing number of people using online news as their primary mean of reading. Although many argue that news on the Internet will gradually replace the traditional papers, I would contend that the traditional one is predominant source of news. On the one hand, despite some benefits online new has brought, it is undeniable fact that it also has some considerably drawbacks. First of all, being accessed through the Internet, it certainly has adverse impact on user’s health. In order to acquire information of online news, readers have to keep their eyes glued to the screens, resulting in eye-ailments. Also, long period exposure to the screens is responsible for chronic headache like migraine, since it proved that waves from these devices are detrimental for neuron cells in human brains. Apart from health problems, it is evident that news on the Internet sometimes is unreliable. Due to the fact that there is a lack of regulation for website, it rarely go under proofreading process like the printed one. Consequently, it may have negative influence on reader’s perception. For instance, the race to the White House in 2017 was greatly affected by the sham news on Facebook and Twitter. On the other hand, there are several reasons why press still choose printed news as their essential information channels. Firstly, a majority of people on the world are unable to access to the Internet news since computers are relatively costly, especially for those from developing countries. As a result, traditional newspaper are considered to be a dominant source of information. Secondly, it is evident that printed version tend to have superior content than online one. Admittedly, printed newspaper bring attractive economic-prosperity by advertising and fee charging. Consequently, it will enable the press to put greater investment in content, whereas online users usually is limited to access some feature since they do not have to pay anything. It goes without saying that, despite the sharp growth of online news, it is my belief that newspapers will eventually a crucial source of information.
It is true that
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
, there is a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as their primary mean of reading. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet will
gradually
replace the traditional papers, I would contend that the traditional one is predominant source of news.

On the one hand, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
has brought, it is undeniable fact that it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerably
drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
being accessed
through the Internet, it
certainly
has adverse impact on user’s health. In order to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, readers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their eyes glued to the screens, resulting in eye-ailments.
Also
, long period exposure to the screens is responsible for chronic headache like migraine, since it proved that waves from these devices are detrimental for neuron cells in human brains. Apart from health problems, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is unreliable. Due to the fact that there is a lack of regulation for website, it rarely go under proofreading process like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
one.
Consequently
, it may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on reader’s perception.
For instance
, the race to the White
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
in 2017 was
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the sham
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on Facebook and Twitter.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why press
still
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as their essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
channels.
Firstly
, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the world are unable to access to the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
since computers are
relatively
costly,
especially
for those from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
As a result
, traditional newspaper
are considered
to be a dominant source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Secondly
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
version tend to have superior content than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
one.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
newspaper bring attractive economic-prosperity by advertising and fee charging.
Consequently
, it will enable the press to put greater investment in content, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
users
usually
is limited
to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feature since they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay anything.

It goes without saying that, despite the sharp growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, it is my belief that newspapers will
eventually
a crucial source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay more and more people read the news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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