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Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children s study On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development What is your opinion v.1

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children s study On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development What is your opinion v. 1
People's views differ over whether they should read e-books or paper books. In my opinion, opting for e-books vs paper books has more advantage despite some people believe it is the other way round. To begin with, the technology is improving in all aspects of life and it has also changed the way people read. For instance, Amazon has introduced an e-book "Kindle"; a reliable technology which is safe for the eye of readers. Besides, it is cost effective, handy and doesn't require a place for storage. On the other hand, newspapers and books are prepared using extract from trees. Eventually, this leads to the destruction of trees for raw materials which contributes to 2% of global deforestation. If paper manufactures plant trees equally for what they cut, it would greatly contribute to mitigating deforestation, however, they lack such awareness. There are various ways to read. Nowadays, people read news and topics of their liking in their mobile phones. Because of the increase in cell phone utility, it has detrimental effects on people's health. Reading hobby should never result in illness. Moreover, some people are under the perception that reading in gadgets causes trouble in some way to their body and mind. As a result, readers who are unaware about using the technology in a proper way end up buying paper books. Such people need to be educated or open to learn which one has best merits. In conclusion, although some people argue that paper books are the best way to read; considering health implications. I would completely go ahead with e-book reading as its advantages surpass its demerits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's views differ over whether they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
e-books or paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. In my opinion, opting for e-books vs paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has more advantage despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it is the other way round.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the technology is improving in all aspects of life and it has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
.
For instance
, Amazon has introduced an e-book
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Kindle
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
; a reliable technology which is safe for the eye of readers.
Besides
, it
is cost
effective, handy and doesn't require a place for storage.
On the other hand
, newspapers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are prepared
using extract from trees.
Eventually
, this leads to the destruction of trees for raw materials which contributes to 2% of global deforestation. If paper manufactures plant trees
equally
for what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
, it would
greatly
contribute to mitigating deforestation,
however
, they lack such awareness.

There are various ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
news and topics of their liking in their mobile phones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the increase in cell phone utility, it has detrimental effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health. Reading hobby should never result in illness.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under the perception that reading in gadgets causes trouble in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way to their body and mind.
As a result
, readers who are unaware about using the technology
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be educated
or open to learn which one has best merits.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
; considering health implications. I would completely go ahead with e-book reading as its advantages surpass its demerits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children s study On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development What is your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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