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The main purpose of public libraries is to provide books and they shouldn t waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi tech media such as computer software videos and DVDs To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

The main purpose of public libraries is to provide books and they shouldn t waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi tech media such as computer software videos and DVDs with this statement v. 1
There is quite a handful of students who work and study simultaneously. As a result, they don't usually get enough time to spend on their academics. Some of the possible causes for this are financial situation of a student, social pressure etc. In this essay, let's discuss about these problems in detail and possible solution. In my opinion, one of the most important cause of this is lack of money. Due to inflation, living costs in most major cities around the world are on the rise. To support themselves financially, many students end up working. For example, in New York, 70% of the students work at least 20 hours a week. However, some work for social reasons like charity, some work for peer pressure that everyone around them were working. While it is true that there is very limited time for assignments and other collage related tasks which puts them under immense pressure, many prefer to work anyway. One possible solution is that, collages can provide scholarships and support students. They can even provide meal and accomodation, so that one doesn't need to worry about their finances. Alternatively, they can ask for fee upfront, so that those who are studying are not burdened. To conclude, the most common reason for the work is the lack of money. Educational institutions should come up with plans like grants, upfront payments, hostel and meal plan, loans to support a student financially. But, it is a double ended sword, which can sting later if they are unemployed post education.
There is quite a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study
simultaneously
.
As a result
, they don't
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend on their academics.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
possible causes for this are financial situation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, social pressure etc. In this essay,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's
Did you mean simply "discuss these"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about these
problems in detail and possible solution.

In my opinion, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause of this is lack of money. Due to inflation, living costs in most major cities around the world are on the rise. To support themselves
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up working.
For example
, in New York, 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at least 20 hours a week.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for social reasons like charity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for peer pressure that everyone around them were working.

While it is true that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited time for assignments and other collage related tasks which puts them under immense pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
anyway. One possible solution is that, collages can provide scholarships and support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They can even provide meal and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one doesn't need to worry about their finances.
Alternatively
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
fee upfront,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that those who are studying are not burdened.

To conclude
, the most common reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the lack of money. Educational institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with plans like grants, upfront payments, hostel and meal plan, loans to support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
financially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it is a
Make sure that the adjective 'double' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'ended'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
double ended
sword, which can sting later if they
are unemployed
post education.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The main purpose of public libraries is to provide books and they shouldn t waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi tech media such as computer software videos and DVDs with this statement v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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