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Many parents believe that when their children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v.2

Many parents believe that when their children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v. 2
It is argued that the number of TV shows and movies on crime is increasing. There are undoubtedly some causes as well as negative consequences of this trend in the society. Several reasons can cause the popularity of the crime movie genre. The plot in such films is mysterious with some elements of adventure which leads to a sense of curiosity in the audience as well as an increase in the adrenaline hormone level. These two factors result in excitement, joy, and satisfaction among people after watching such movies. As a result, there would be a high demand for production of such genre. So producers, actors, and writers are keen on working on such movies, since the box office is guaranteed. As such movies and programs are getting popular, several related negative consequences can be anticipated. The main issue is that people, especially teenagers, are introduced and encouraged in various ways of involving in criminal activity. Although, the act of crime is not being appreciated in movies directly, the individuals who play such roles are famous actors or actresses that have a huge number of fans, those fans can easily be influenced by the charactered played in the movie. Another effect is that, being proposed to so much violence through the time makes people to be short tempered. People who watch such scenes would be more probable to get frustrated and angry in their life. For example, when someone watches a movie full of killing and blood scenes will have those pictures in his or her mind for a while, and it can cause them to be annoyed sooner than peers. In conclusion, various reasons are enhancing the popularity of criminal movies which certainly has adverse effect on the society.
It
is argued
that the number of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on crime is increasing. There are
undoubtedly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend in the society.

Several reasons can cause the popularity of the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
genre. The plot in such films is mysterious with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elements of adventure which leads to a sense of curiosity in the audience
as well
as an increase in the adrenaline hormone level. These two factors result in excitement, joy, and satisfaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
As a result
, there would be a high demand for production of such genre.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
producers, actors, and writers are keen on working on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, since the box office
is guaranteed
.

As such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and programs are getting popular, several related
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences can
be anticipated
. The main issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
are introduced
and encouraged in various ways of involving in criminal activity. Although, the act of crime is not
being appreciated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
directly
, the individuals who play such roles are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actors or actresses that have a huge number of fans, those fans can
easily
be influenced
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
charactered
played in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
. Another effect is that,
being proposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much violence through the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be short tempered.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such scenes would be more probable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated and angry in their life.
For example
, when someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
full of killing and blood scenes will have those pictures in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
mind for a while, and it can cause them to
be annoyed
sooner than peers.

In conclusion
, various reasons are enhancing the popularity of criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which
certainly
has adverse effect on the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Many parents believe that when their children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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