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1207 first Describe a gift you gave to someoneYou should sayWhat the gift wasWho you gave it toWhy you gave itAnd explain whether this person liked the gift or not v.1

1207 first Describe a gift you gave to someoneYou should sayWhat the gift wasWho you gave it toWhy you gave itAnd explain whether this person liked the gift or not v. 1
Nowadays, the ability of socializing and a higher education diploma are significantly important for people's development. Someone holds the opinion that the former one is as important as the latter one, while I believe that social skills could be more necessary to some extent. So this essay will argue why people have to get more social skills rather than higher education. It is true that if a person has great academic abilities could gain more job opportunities. Generally, compared with people who just hold a diploma of high school, those who graduated from universities are more popular in labour markets. For example, I can easily find the salary differences between my friend who has a master's degree and my high school classmate who just graduated from school and started to work. The salary of the former one is 8000 RMB per month, while the later one is only 3000 RMB. In this case, someone may agree that the academic qualification can be regarded as the same importance with social skills. However, a lot of social people can succeed in their career without being educated for much longer time or in a better university. Especially compared with those who are in the same university and start to work at the same time, the one equipped with better communication skills or team work spirit is more likely to get a better job. For instance, after the internship, companies will choose the one who interacts with most customers or dose the best in a team project to stay and continue to work for them, although some of the interns are with higher qualifications. As a result, social skills in these conditions are much more important than diplomas. In conclusion, universities and academic qualifications are ways to prove our study abilities and experience, while social communications and interactions are what we really use in our daily life and work. Although some people think they are equally important, this essay just argued why we should focus more on the skills while we get along with others.
Nowadays, the ability of socializing and a higher education diploma are
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's development. Someone holds the opinion that the former one is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as the latter one, while I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could be more necessary to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay will argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
rather
than higher education.

It is true that if a person has great academic abilities could gain more job opportunities.
Generally
, compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hold a diploma of high school, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are more popular in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
markets.
For example
, I can
easily
find the salary differences between my friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a master's degree and my high school classmate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The salary of the former one is 8000 RMB per month, while the later one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3000 RMB.
In this case
, someone may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the academic qualification can
be regarded
as the same importance with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can succeed in their career without
being educated
for much longer time or in a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Especially
compared with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the same time, the one equipped with better communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
spirit is more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job.
For instance
, after the internship,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will choose the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
interacts with most customers or dose the best in a team project to stay and continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for them, although
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
interns are with higher qualifications.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in these conditions are much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than diplomas.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and academic qualifications are ways to prove our study abilities and experience, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
communications and interactions are what we
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our daily life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
argued why we should focus more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1207 first Describe a gift you gave to someoneYou should sayWhat the gift wasWho you gave it toWhy you gave itAnd explain whether this person liked the gift or not v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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