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Describe an artist or entertainer you admire. You should say: Who they are and what they doHow they became successfulHow you found out about themAnd explain why you admire them v.2

Describe an artist or entertainer you admire. You should say: Who they are and what they doHow they became successfulHow you found out about themAnd explain why you admire them v. 2
Several minority languages have become extinct. Although I think that our communication will be easier if less languages exist in the world, I believe that there is a necessary to preserve all languages. The language barrier may pose the risk of mis-communication in the important occasion. Mis-communication can possibly lead to wars and conflicts between countries. For instance, if translators are not capable of delivering accurate messages to leaders in the diplomatic conference, this could potentially alter the decision made by their leaders. Consequently, it may create an argument in the conference. On the other hand, A language represents people's culture and heritage. It helps connect us to the past and people can understand their own history by learning the language. Learning a language is to educate individuals that they can have the better understanding of their history. Also, people can gain knowledge of a new language and develop a useful skill.  As a result, they can increase their employability. Furthermore, people have the responsibility to preserve languages, especially minority languages. These languages enrich the cultural diversity in our modern world. This means that if many languages die out, several unique cultures will become extinct eventually. In conclusion, I agree that fewer languages in the world make our life better. However, I firmly believe that every language should be preserved and pass it on to the next generation. Therefore, we can maintain our cultural diversity and the history.
Several minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
have become extinct. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that our communication will be easier if
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun languages is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
exist in the world, I believe that there is a necessary to preserve all languages.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier may pose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis-communication
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occasion.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mis-communication
can
possibly
lead to wars and conflicts between countries.
For instance
, if translators are not capable of delivering accurate messages to leaders in the diplomatic conference, this could
potentially
alter the decision made by their leaders.
Consequently
, it may create an argument in the conference.

On the other hand
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
represents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's culture and heritage. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
connect us to the past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can understand their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history by learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is to educate individuals that they can have the better understanding of their history.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can gain knowledge of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and develop a useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.  
As a result
, they can increase their employability.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the responsibility to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
,
especially
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
enrich the cultural diversity in our modern world. This means that if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out, several unique cultures will become extinct
eventually
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life better.
However
, I
firmly
believe that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
be preserved
and pass it on to the
next
generation.
Therefore
, we can maintain our cultural diversity and the history.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an artist or entertainer you admire. You should say: Who they are and what they doHow they became successfulHow you found out about themAnd explain why you admire them v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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