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Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. What are the harmful effects of such violent programs on children? What are the solutions for this problem? v.2

Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. What are the harmful effects of such violent programs on children? What are the solutions for this problem? v. 2
Today’s generation is more inclined towards digital resources to play games and to relax themselves post study. The digital sources are video games, serials and movies on different social platforms. This essay will discuss the effects of such online social platforms on kids - less physical activities and behavioural change. This essay will also suggest solutions to these problems, including encouraging kids to play outdoor games and interaction with little ones. To begin with, online activities are common among youngsters these days. They play different kind of games over the internet which usually involves a lot of violence. A good example of this is pubg, a new sport played using internet. This game involves killing of persons. Youngsters spend hours playing this game and a recent survey showed that more than 10% of Indian youth is in depression due to this game. Additionally, such games are affecting the attitude of little ones. They are turning more violent. Moreover, since there is no physical activity involved, they are becoming obese and unhealthy. As per study of Oxford university, 50% youngsters are unhealthy in the USA. Needless to say, teenagers are affected in more than a way. Limited use of networked resources causes no harm. It is often seen that teenagers start playing such games due to negligence of their parents. Parents need to interact with juveniles to encourage them to play games which are useful for them. Additionally, kids should be encouraged to play outdoor games. A survey conducted by a leading daily showed that kids whose parents interacted with them daily were more healthy compared to the ones having less conversation with their guardians. Clearly, It is evident that this problem can be controlled if guardians are taking proper care of their teenagers. In conclusion, this essay discussed how networked resources are impacting children’s health and behaviour. We also discussed that it can be controlled easily with proper conversation and care of youngsters.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s generation is more inclined towards digital resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and to relax themselves post study. The digital sources are video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, serials and movies on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social platforms. This essay will discuss the effects of such online social platforms on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
less physical activities and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. This essay will
also
suggest solutions to these problems, including encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and interaction with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, online activities are common among youngsters these days. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
over the internet which
usually
involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violence. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubg
, a new sport played using internet. This game involves killing of persons. Youngsters spend hours playing this game and a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 10% of Indian youth is in depression due to this game.
Additionally
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are affecting the attitude of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. They are turning more violent.
Moreover
, since there is no physical activity involved, they are becoming obese and unhealthy. As per study of Oxford university, 50% youngsters are unhealthy in the USA. Needless to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in more than a way.

Limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of networked resources causes no harm. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to negligence of their parents. Parents need to interact with juveniles to encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which are useful for them.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. A survey conducted by a leading daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
whose parents interacted with them daily were more healthy compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
having less conversation with their guardians.
Clearly
, It is evident that this problem can
be controlled
if guardians are taking proper care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed how networked resources are impacting children’s health and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. We
also
discussed that it can
be controlled
easily
with proper conversation and care of youngsters.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. What are the harmful effects of such violent programs on children? What are the solutions for this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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