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Parents are unhappy with the increasing amount of violence in computer games such as TV programmes and leisure activities. How much harmful it can be on children and what can be done to solve this problem. Give relevant examples from your own experience. v.1

Parents are unhappy with the increasing amount of violence in computer games such as TV programmes and leisure activities. How much harmful it can be on children and what can be done to solve this problem. Give relevant examples from your own experience. v. 1
In recent years, young people enjoy computer games and movies as part of their daily routine. While there are numerous advantages of such activities, various negative effects stem from this too. However, there are some possible solutions to overcome such drawbacks which we will discuss here. Probably the main factor is the issue of mental addiction resulting from excessive exposure to brutal games and videos. In addition, youngsters behave more aggressively in society, leading to traffic accidents, street fights and even violent deaths. To illustrate, the movie Fast and Furious, provoked young drivers, which caused severe casualties worldwide, as the movie was about drugs, gangs and racings. Similarly, if gamings and media industries focus more on saving moral values and educating people such as improving mathematical skills through interactive games and programs, youngsters will be more responsible and would flourish both, academically and socially. Turning to possible solutions, the best remedy is to encourage parents to act as role models by spending as much time as possible with their loved ones. This will allow youngsters to absorb conventions and codes of conduct, which they can follow themselves, hopefully leading to an absence of problems such as bullying, truancy and delinquency later on. Finally, the government community must establish regulators to monitor media activities, so that the content remains controlled, rather than exploiting people. In conclusion, the risks posed by substandard games and movies are connected to a dangerous lifestyle. Possible answer might involve restrictions on displaying cruelty in movies and games and the benefits of more parental supervision.
In recent years, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
as part of their daily routine. While there are numerous advantages of such activities, various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects stem from this too.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
solutions to overcome such drawbacks which we will discuss here.

Probably
the main factor is the issue of mental addiction resulting from excessive exposure to brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and videos.
In addition
, youngsters behave more
aggressively
in society, leading to traffic accidents, street fights and even violent deaths. To illustrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
and Furious, provoked young drivers, which caused severe casualties worldwide, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
was about drugs, gangs and
Possible spelling mistake found.
racings
.
Similarly
, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamings
and media industries focus more on saving moral values and educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as improving mathematical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and programs, youngsters will be more responsible and would flourish both,
academically
and
socially
.

Turning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
solutions, the best remedy is to encourage parents to act as role models by spending as much time as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
youngsters to absorb conventions and codes of conduct, which they can follow themselves,
hopefully
leading to an absence of problems such as bullying, truancy and delinquency later on.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
establish regulators to monitor media activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the content remains controlled,
rather
than exploiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
posed by substandard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are connected
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Possible
answer might involve restrictions on displaying cruelty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and the benefits of more parental supervision.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents are unhappy with the increasing amount of violence in computer games such as TV programmes and leisure activities. How much harmful it can be on children and what can be done to solve this problem. Give relevant examples from your own experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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