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Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? v.1

Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 1
It is often observed that children spend most of their time with video games, television programs and leisure activities so parents are unhappy with the amount of violence which is shown in these programs. These programs could be dangerous since the fighting and abusing content. This concern can be solved by using various solutions such as awareness, stern action against these programs and many more will be discussed in this essay. The favorite activities contain hazardous information which affects the infants mind and overall growth. These activities help in accelerate the child’s thinking in wrong direction as most of the dialogues are filthy. This trend assists children to learn not only dispute with their friends but also encourage them to not to move forward on the right path which is very beneficial for their life and career. For example, a recent survey done by The Human Rights department says that twenty-five percent of children do not behave properly since absurd activities are produced and aired on television. There must be numerous ways to solve this concern. Firstly, guiding the children with imperative information and examples can motivate them to not to follow these activities. Although the children are stubborn and delicate to understand the causes, the parents and mentors should play a vital role to motivate them with their own experiences. Secondly, the public authorizes should provide some stringent laws to not to publish the violent programs and before broadcast they must watch. For instance, recent news published in the Hindu newspaper says that ten percent of these programs shut down by the government every year as it contains harmful visualization. To conclude, the video games, the televisions programs and the other leisure programs could be dangerous as it contains combat and violence content which can be solved by providing the stern laws by the government and proper guidance by the parents to their children.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time with video games, television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
parents are unhappy with the amount of violence which
is shown
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
since the fighting and abusing content. This concern can
be solved
by using various solutions such as awareness, stern action against these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more will
be discussed
in this essay.

The favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
contain hazardous information which affects the infants mind and
overall
growth. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in accelerate the child’s thinking in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction as most of the dialogues are filthy. This trend assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dispute with their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourage them
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward on the right path which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for their life and career.
For example
, a recent survey done by The Human Rights department says that twenty-five percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not behave
properly
since absurd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are produced
and aired on television.

There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be numerous ways to solve this concern.
Firstly
, guiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with imperative information and examples can motivate them
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
follow these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are stubborn and delicate to understand the causes, the parents and mentors should play a vital role to motivate them with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences.
Secondly
, the public authorizes should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stringent laws
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
publish the violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
broadcast they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
For instance
, recent news published in the Hindu newspaper says that ten percent of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
shut down by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
every year as it contains harmful visualization.

To conclude
, the video games, the televisions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and the other leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as it contains combat and violence content which can
be solved
by providing the stern laws by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and proper guidance by the parents to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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