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Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization? v.3

Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization? v. 3
Nowadays, expansion of urban areas has made tremendous changes in cities. Having better transport systems or modern constructions has led citizens to have a better living condition. However, I believe that these changes have caused people to face two obvious challenges. On the one hand, advancements occurred in heritage cities have had two important benefits. One is that dwellers have access to better transport facilities. Improving roads or public transportation, they can travel faster from one place to the other place. In particular, in Rome, which is an old capital city in Italy, the extension of rail system has created this city a better place for inhabitants or tourists travelling from other countries because they can reach their destination far simpler than before. Another positive effect is accessing a better housing. Using the state-of-the-art designs in buildings, individuals have a better feeling and higher quality of lifestyle. For example, had not high-rise buildings been developed in Tehran, citizens living there would not have enjoyed the latest technologies of modern systems installed in their inside, including elevators or indoor pools. On the other hand, the drawbacks of these modifications should not be forgotten, and I believe that the negative consequences have been more pivotal. The first reason behind it is that cultural values of these regions have been forgotten. Obviously, ruining historic places and constructing skyscrapers or other novel modernised constructions can cause people to not remind their ancestors and what their habits were. For instance, in Isfahan, a heritage city in the middle of Iran, growing of shopping malls has led the old buildings to be demolished. These buildings had precious ancient window designs, which were well-known to many Iranians. Furthermore, this transformation has increased the level of pollutants in cities. Admittedly, having a more luxury lifestyle and using more energy, more waste materials are produced by city-dwellers, leading them to live in a lower standard condition. In this case, only in New York, just over 20 thousand New Yorkers die due to toxic air pollutants annually; however, had not this city developed so fast, more people would have been survived. In conclusion, in our modern era, some historic locations are changed to high-tech cities. From my perspective, the negative effects of these changes can outweigh the benefits because of cultural and environmental concerns.
Nowadays, expansion of urban areas has made tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
transport systems or modern constructions has led citizens to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
living condition.
However
, I believe that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have caused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to face two obvious challenges.

On the one hand, advancements occurred in heritage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have had two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits. One is that dwellers have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
transport facilities. Improving roads or public transportation, they can travel faster from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
In particular
, in Rome, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
capital city in Italy, the extension of rail system has created this city a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for inhabitants or tourists travelling from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can reach their destination far simpler than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is accessing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
housing. Using the state-of-the-art designs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, individuals have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
feeling and higher quality of lifestyle.
For example
, had not high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
been developed
in Tehran, citizens living there would not have enjoyed the latest technologies of modern systems installed in their inside, including elevators or indoor pools.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the drawbacks of these modifications should not
be forgotten
, and I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences have been more pivotal. The
first
reason behind it is that cultural values of these regions have
been forgotten
.
Obviously
, ruining historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and constructing skyscrapers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
novel
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
constructions can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to not remind their ancestors and what their habits were.
For instance
, in Isfahan, a heritage city in the middle of Iran, growing of shopping malls has led the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
to
be demolished
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
had precious ancient window designs, which were well-known to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Iranians.
Furthermore
, this transformation has increased the level of pollutants in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Admittedly
, having a more luxury lifestyle and using more energy, more waste materials
are produced
by city-dwellers, leading them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a lower standard condition.
In this case
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in New York,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 20 thousand New Yorkers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to toxic air pollutants
annually
;
however
, had not this city developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have
been survived
.

In conclusion
, in our modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
historic locations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. From my perspective, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can outweigh the benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cultural and environmental concerns.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many old cities around the world are going through a major process of modernization. What are the advantages and disadvantages of modernization? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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