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Sociobiologists believe that some communicative behavior in animals is developed through a process called ritualization. In this process, the purpose of a given behavior changes over time—a behavior that originally had a practical purpose develops into v.1

Sociobiologists believe that some communicative behavior in animals is developed through a process called ritualization. In this process, the purpose of a given behavior changes over time—a behavior that originally had a practical purpose develops into v. 1
The youngsters are always considered as the future of any country. In recent times, large population of younger people are immigrating to metro cities, for education and better career options. There are numerous reasons behind this trend, such as better job opportunity and independent lifestyle. I tend to agree with this trend, as it advantageous to move to the big city as it allows an individual's to grow career wise. First and foremost, cities provide great infrastructure for both work and study. As most of the multinational companies have headquarters in metro's, it allows government to open Universities nearby and getting students recruited to these companies easily. For example, Mumbai is considered the financial capital of India and has most renowned universities of India. In contrast, to second tier cities, where there are hardly any jobs. As a result, anyone who study from their home town had to move to cities for the job hunt. Also, recruiters give preference to Local people. On the other hand, the biggest drawback affiliated with moving out of your hometown is the expenditure. Most of the people have to cope up with the living costs of rental homes, when they move to a new city for work or study. Even though, accomodation is easy to find, but the rental cost is a lot. Therefore, people share rooms and sacrifice their privacy, in order to save some money. To illustrate this, an average salary in New York is $45K, and a price of 1 BHK apartment in the interior regions is $1500. As a consequence, people end up paying 50-percent of their salary in rent. Although, this is just an average, most people do get growth and end up saving a lot more than estimated above. In conclusion, despite moving out of hometown burdens oneself with the living cost and other expenditures. In my opinion, moving to bigger cities provide exposure and a better growth opportunity in work. Also, larger cities have great infrastructure for institutions, to mould youngsters for a better future.
The youngsters are always considered as the future of any country. In recent times, large population of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are immigrating to metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, for education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
career options. There are numerous reasons behind this trend, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunity and independent lifestyle. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this trend, as it advantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
an individual's to grow career wise.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide great infrastructure for both work and study. As most of the multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have headquarters in metro's, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to open Universities nearby and getting students recruited to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
easily
.
For example
, Mumbai
is considered
the financial capital of India and has most renowned universities of India.
In contrast
, to second tier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, where there are hardly any jobs.
As a result
, anyone who study from their home town had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for the job hunt.
Also
, recruiters give preference to

Local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, the biggest drawback affiliated with moving out of your hometown is the expenditure. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope up with the living costs of rental homes, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new city for work or study.
Even though
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
is easy to find,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the rental cost is a lot.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
share rooms and sacrifice their privacy, in order to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money. To illustrate this, an average salary in New York is $45K, and a price of 1
Possible spelling mistake found.
BHK
apartment in the interior regions is $1500. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up paying 50-percent of their salary in rent. Although, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an average, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
growth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up saving a lot more than estimated above.

In conclusion
, despite moving out of hometown burdens oneself with the living cost and other expenditures. In my opinion, moving to bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide exposure and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
growth opportunity in work.
Also
, larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have great infrastructure for institutions, to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
youngsters for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Sociobiologists believe that some communicative behavior in animals is developed through a process called ritualization. In this process, the purpose of a given behavior changes over time—a behavior that originally had a practical purpose develops into v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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