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Many Offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishments Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problems v.1

Many Offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishments Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problems v. 1
From the ancient times art considerably important. Having started with the time of the first people, Renaissance and Baroque until modern arts, people have been changing their preferences and tastes. However, now people have more and more interest in minimalist pieces of art, which exclude realism and have abstract meaning. Nowadays, some artists have pieces which costs a significant amount of money, whereas less popular artists have to survive and live from sale to sale. Nevertheless, most of the virtuosos believe that healthy competition left only talented artists. To begin with, government spendings on supporting artists is unnecessary, due to the fact that they already have enough problems to solve. Some other fields of living require additional spendings. However, they can support by making free exhibitions fro newbies, where they can make share their work. Moreover, such a show will be beneficial for the community, because local people can attend it also. Secondly, direct sponsoring will cause unfair competition. Based on some historical evidence, from the old times, many artists had to survive. For instance, Vincent Van Gogh, impressionist painter who did not receive recognition during his life and had to survive. However, now his works are in the Louvre and he is one of the most famous painters in the world. As Chinese folk wisdom says, if we remove all stones, only diamonds will remain. Which can be interpreted as if artists have competition, only talented will remain. To conclude, if some artists have to find the alternative way to earn a living, no one can alter that fact, because not too many things in life are fair.
From the ancient times art
considerably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the time of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, Renaissance and Baroque until modern arts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been changing their preferences and tastes.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more and more interest in minimalist pieces of art, which exclude realism and have abstract meaning. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have pieces which costs a significant amount of money, whereas less popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
survive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
from sale to sale.
Nevertheless
, most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
virtuosos
believe that healthy competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talented artists.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings on
supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is unnecessary, due to the fact that they already have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
problems to solve.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
other fields of living require additional
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
.
However
, they can support by making free exhibitions
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
fro
newbies, where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
share their work.
Moreover
, such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
will be beneficial for the community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can attend it
also
.

Secondly
, direct sponsoring will cause unfair competition. Based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
historical evidence, from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
had to survive.
For instance
,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
Vincent Van Gogh
, impressionist painter who did not receive recognition during his life and had to survive.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
his works are in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Louvre and
he is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
painters in the world. As Chinese folk wisdom says, if we remove all stones,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
diamonds will remain. Which can
be interpreted
as if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have competition,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talented will remain.

To conclude
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find the alternative way to earn a living, no one can alter that fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in life are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many Offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishments Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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