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Many offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v.1

Many offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 1
Environmental issues have been raised by developed countries. This essay will describe the key factors, which are involved in creating environmental issues by developed countries and what are the possible ways to decrease global warming. Firstly, it is very important to understand the basic reason for this difficulty. In well-developed nations people always want more advancements in terms of technology, feasibility and money. For instance, a large number of industries such as chemicals, Sugar Mill and automobile have been established for a long time ago. The demand for the vehicle has been increased drastically over time due to which more plants have been set up and more and more automobiles have been produced over the past few years. This causes more pollution because there is not a significant check on plants and industries. With the increased in population, forests have been cut down and converted into cities due to which air pollution has increased very rapidly. Tree quantities have been reduced continuously due to which, the Oxygen level has decreased. This can cause adverse consequence which is known as GLOBAL WARMING. However, to resolve the global warming effects, government and people should play their roles and put their efforts to reduce the global warming problem. In term, the public should be more proactive like they can avoid unnecessary burning fire, cutting of trees and avoid driving cars which release toxic smoke. For the government, it is their responsibility to make different teams, which visits industries and plant on a regular basis to check that they are working on correct sop's and are not threatening the environment by any mean. These visits must be compulsory for every industry and plant. In conclusion, it is clear that Global warming is caused by the advancement of development. However, its effect can be minimized by this help of both citizens and the state.
Environmental issues have
been raised
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the key factors, which
are involved
in creating environmental issues by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and what are the possible ways to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand the basic reason for this difficulty. In well-developed nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always want more advancements in terms of technology, feasibility and money.
For instance
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
such as chemicals, Sugar Mill and automobile have
been established
for a long time ago. The demand for the vehicle has
been increased
drastically
over time due to which more plants have
been set
up and more and more automobiles have
been produced
over the past few years. This causes more pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is not a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. With the increased in population, forests have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down and converted into cities due to which air pollution has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapidly
. Tree quantities have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
continuously
due to which, the Oxygen level has decreased. This can cause adverse consequence which
is known
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GLOBAL
WARMING.

However
, to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming effects,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should play their roles and put their efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming problem. In term, the public should be more proactive like they can avoid unnecessary burning fire, cutting of trees and avoid driving cars which release toxic smoke. For the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it is their responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teams, which visits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and plant on a regular basis to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
that they are working on correct sop's and are not threatening the environment by any mean. These visits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be compulsory for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and plant.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Global
warming
is caused
by the advancement of development.
However
, its effect can
be minimized
by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of both citizens and the state.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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