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In the past many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence the world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

In the past many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence the world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women v. 1
Today, university schooling is available to every individual who wishes to make a prosperous career. Despite that, people still consider that opting for job straight after secondary education is more beneficial. Similarly, I believe that securing job after school is a more viable option these days. However, a large section of our society still gives preference to higher learning as it provides a better salary and a chance to become a researcher or scientist. As per the World Economic Forum report of 2016, people with graduation or post-graduation tend to secure a high paying work as compared to a high school pass-out. Even the standard of living was far higher for people with a degree, and the chances of doing research were also high. Most of the scientific breakthroughs are made by people with higher study: Abhijeet Banerjee was a graduate of Harvard University who was given the noble prize in 2016 for his exceptional performance in economics. Thus, higher schooling is considered a way for moving up in the society. Nevertheless, there are advocates for people going for jobs before college. It has become a common trend these days for people entering the workforce without a degree as it is considered useless by many people: in 2017, more than 46% of the unemployed in the United States were university graduates. This has created fear among people, and now more and more students are looking for jobs rather than going for research job which requires a degree. So, we are observing that work has become a priority for many people rather than studying in esteemed universities. Even, I also consider that we should opt for a job after secondary education as college learning is very expensive and requires hard-work. Everyone does not have the funds to support their study, therefore school learning is considered more than enough as it allows to earn livelihood. Universities require focus and determination, a lot of universities do research which is not a cup of tea for everyone. Therefore, a dramatic rise can be seen in the number of people entering the industry without a degree. To summarize, there are advantages and disadvantages of college learning and people have different preferences, but high school is more beneficial as it saves money, and provides enough knowledge and skills to tackle problems in life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
schooling is available to every individual who wishes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a prosperous career. Despite that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
consider that opting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after secondary education is more beneficial.
Similarly
, I believe that securing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a more viable option these days.

However
, a large section of our society
still
gives preference to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
as it provides a better salary and a chance to become a researcher or scientist. As per the World Economic Forum report of 2016,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with graduation or post-graduation tend to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying work as compared to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pass-out. Even the standard of living was far higher for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a degree, and the chances of doing research were
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
. Most of the scientific breakthroughs
are made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with higher study: Abhijeet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banerjee
was a graduate of Harvard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
who was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the noble prize in 2016 for his exceptional performance in economics.
Thus
, higher schooling
is considered
a way for moving up in the society.

Nevertheless
, there are advocates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
college. It has become a common trend these days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering the workforce without a degree as it
is considered
useless by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
: in 2017, more than 46% of the unemployed in the United States were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates. This has created fear among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more and more students are looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
rather
than going for research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which requires a degree.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we are observing that work has become a priority for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than studying in esteemed universities.

Even, I
also
consider that we should opt for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after secondary education as college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work. Everyone does not have the funds to support their study,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is considered
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "earning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to earn
livelihood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
require focus and determination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do research which is not a cup of tea for everyone.
Therefore
, a dramatic rise can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering the industry without a degree.

To summarize
, there are advantages and disadvantages of college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
preferences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is more beneficial as it saves money, and provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to tackle problems in life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence the world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
387 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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