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Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places v.7

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places v. 7
In the salad days of the millennium the society is polarized into two groups almost equally regarding the notion that some hobbies are more concerned about the use of technology because it is integral part of our society. On the flip side of the coin, people believed in those hobbies, which is not a compilation of technologies. For instance, cycling, jogging, and so on. The following paragraph would shed light on both the approaches before making final judgement. To commence with the first notion, there are numerous thing to be shared in its favour. First and foremost, it is irrefutable that technology plays a vital role in a modern development. Now days most of the people, especially young once, are influenced with mobile phones. They used to spend their leisture time to chatting with friends by engaging with social platforms such as a what's app, Instagram and Facebook. As a result, they can save their money and time. Secondly, some people like to learn new things in their day to day life. So, if they are considered the technology, they can easily learn new things and also crate a new ideas based on their particular interest. For example, when students get stocked in studies, they can easily understand the concept of topic through accessing videos and information. Shifting towards the second school of thought, some people are not believed in obsessed with technology. They are more influenced by the natural activities because concentration on that activity will benefit for their health as well as relief stresses. Moreover, by spending time with nature and keep away from electronic equipment that will enable them for worse effects of weak eyesight, obesity and so on. Apart from it, hobbies like reading books and other stuffs also help individuals in improving knowledge in a particular subject. To recapitulate, I personally believe that we should use those hobbies in which less involvement with technology and more physical workout activities.
In the salad days of the millennium the society
is polarized
into two groups almost
equally
regarding the notion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are more concerned about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is integral part of our society. On the flip side of the coin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, which is not a compilation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
For instance
, cycling, jogging, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. The following paragraph would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making final judgement.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are numerous
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "things"?
thing
to
be shared
in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
First
and foremost, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays a vital role in a modern development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
young once,
are influenced
with mobile phones. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their
Possible spelling mistake found.
leisture
time to chatting with friends by engaging with social platforms such as a what's app, Instagram and Facebook.
As a result
, they can save their money and time.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to learn new things in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they
are considered
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, they can
easily
learn new things and
also
crate a new
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "idea"?
ideas
based on their particular interest.
For example
, when students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stocked in studies, they can
easily
understand the concept of topic through accessing videos and information.

Shifting towards the second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not believed in obsessed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. They are more influenced by the natural activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
concentration on that activity will benefit for their health
as well
as relief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
Moreover
, by spending time with nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from electronic equipment that will enable them for worse effects of weak eyesight, obesity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Apart from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like reading books and other stuffs
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals in improving knowledge in a particular subject.

To recapitulate, I
personally
believe that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
in which less involvement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and more physical workout activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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