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Many offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v.2

Many offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 2
After being released from the first sentence, offenders tend to recommit more crime. There are several reasons for this problem such as affection of bad society in prison or lack of rehabilitation, and some solutions for could be implemented to improve this setback. Firstly, the main reason for offenders commit crime again after being released from prison is that the short of rehabilitation ability while locked behind the cell. In other words, offenders are not given a chance to learn new skills and training for future development after a long times serving in prison understanding the guilty action they have done before. Therefore, with a criminal record also, first times criminal hardly have a chance to associate with community. Secondly, bad behavior can be affected by other criminals while in prison. The difficult life behind the cell with pressure from the kingpin and other bad prisoners might create a negative attitude toward one characteristic. However, there are two measures can be put forward to solve this problem. For example, the government can take action on providing training programs such as in engineering, construction skill, . . . arming the prisoner with necessary knowledge for them to come back to society with the feeling of useful. Another method is that strict supervision should be taken more serious to serial criminal in prison, prevent them from affecting bad behaviour to other cellmates. In conclusion, it' s can be clearly seen that there various reason for a first times criminal recommit a crime again after serving the first punishment. Whether the reason is in short of rehabilitation or influenced by other criminals in prison, the government play an important role in measuring this problem by their actions.
After
being released
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
sentence, offenders tend to recommit more crime. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this problem such as affection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
society in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
or lack of rehabilitation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for could
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this setback.

Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for offenders commit crime again after
being released
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is that the short of rehabilitation ability while locked behind the cell. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, offenders are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and training for future development after a long times serving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
understanding the guilty action they have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Therefore
, with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
record
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
hardly have a chance to associate with community.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
behavior can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. The difficult life behind the cell with pressure from the kingpin and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
prisoners might create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude toward one characteristic.

However
, there are two measures can
be put
forward to solve this problem.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can take action on providing training programs such as in engineering, construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
arming
the prisoner with necessary knowledge for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to society with the feeling of useful. Another method is that strict supervision should
be taken
more serious to serial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cellmates.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
recommit a crime again after serving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
punishment. Whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is in short of rehabilitation or influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in measuring this problem by their actions.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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