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Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. v.4

Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. v. 4
Muscle and skeleton diseases are prevalent among office workers. According to orthopedicians, reasons of these disorders include wrong posture, lacking movement or repeated movements. As an office worker myself who suffer from severe muscle pain, I totally agree with the doctors and in this essay, I will examine the reasons and suggest some measures to fight them. First and foremost, the main reason for these disorders is the wrong posture. Office workers spend most of their times looking at the computer screen with their hand sticking on the keyboard and leaning onwards. Sitting in such position can cause the cartilage between two vertebras shift and this condition is known as a very painful disease that can even lead to paralyzation - a hernia. However, this problem can easily be avoided by adopting proper sitting techniques that can be found on the internet and learned from an orthopedician. Secondly, lacking movement and repeated movements can also be accountable for these diseases. Force applied on same bones at same angles or same bones rubbing each other frequently due to same repeated actions can have an abrasive impact on cartilages and this condition is known as calcification. To combat this disease, office workers should stroll around regularly, stretch their muscles and bones and refrain from repeated movements. My personal conclusion is that muscle and skeleton disorders are inevitable for all office workers who are not aware of proper sitting and overdo some movements. However, measures to combat these problems are divulged to the public by orthopedicians and they should be carried out by everyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Muscle
and skeleton
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are prevalent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
orthopedicians
, reasons of these disorders include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
posture, lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movement
or repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
. As an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
myself who suffer from severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
pain, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the doctors and in this essay, I will examine the reasons and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to fight them.

First
and foremost, the main reason for these disorders is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
posture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
spend most of their times looking at the computer screen with their hand sticking on the keyboard and leaning onwards. Sitting in such position can cause the cartilage between two
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "vertebrae", the plural form of the noun 'vertebra'?
vertebras
shift and this condition
is known
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
painful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
that can even lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
paralyzation
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a hernia.
However
, this problem can
easily
be avoided
by adopting proper sitting techniques that can
be found
on the internet and learned from an
Possible spelling mistake found.
orthopedician
.

Secondly
, lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movement
and repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
can
also
be accountable for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. Force applied on same bones at same angles or same bones rubbing each other
frequently
due to same repeated actions can have an abrasive impact on cartilages and this condition
is known
as calcification. To combat this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should stroll around
regularly
, stretch their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscles
and bones and refrain from repeated movements.

My personal conclusion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
and skeleton disorders are inevitable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who are not aware of proper sitting and overdo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
.
However
, measures to combat these problems
are divulged
to the public by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
orthopedicians and
they should
be carried
out by everyone.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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