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Many museums today are mainly visited by tourist, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people? v.2

Museums and historical are shows histroy of the particular country on the contrary international travelers are the most visted rather than it's own citizens. In my opinion, local persons already know about their country that's why they don't visit. To begin with, locals have ample of knowledge on their country from their juveniles days onwards. This is because, in their schools and colleges days onwards teach about their country histroy and in schools they have one kind field trip on museums to get knowledge. For instance, in indian schools childrens must and should study histroy subject and also every year schools take a trip to museums. As a result, local already have vital knowledge about their country that's why locals don't vist to histroy places and museums. Furthermore, to solve this problem with help of local government they can create interest in local citizens. Moreover, by adding new technology in museums and histroy places locals can attract to visit these places due to the fact of these days technology ubiquitous consequently adding some visual graphics in museums and histroy place we can attract them. For example, in United Sates of America museums authoraty are already tested this ideal they created kind graphics how this places were looked in past days and local visiting rate were increased significantly. Thus, local government and museum management people should work together for this problem. In conclusion, local don't have any interested in their museums and histroy places on the contrary with the help of government intereste can be created.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and historical are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
of the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
on the contrary
international travelers are the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
visted
rather
than
Did you mean “its” (possessive pronoun) instead of ‘it’s’ (short for ‘it is’)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
persons already know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that's why they don't visit.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
have ample of knowledge on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from their juveniles days onwards. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges days onwards teach about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
they have one kind field trip on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge.
For instance
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
and should study
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
subject and
also
every year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
take a trip to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
already have vital knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that's why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
don't
Possible spelling mistake found.
vist
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and museums.

Furthermore
, to solve this problem with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
they can create interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens.
Moreover
, by adding new technology in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
can attract to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
due to the fact of these
An apostrophe may be missing.
days
technology ubiquitous
consequently
adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visual graphics in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
we can attract them.
For example
, in United Sates of America
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
Possible spelling mistake found.
authoraty
are already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
this ideal they created kind graphics how
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘places’. Did you mean “these”?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
were looked
in past days and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
visiting rate
were increased
significantly
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should work together for this problem.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
don't have any interested in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
histroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
on the contrary
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
intereste
can
be created
.
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IELTS essay Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourist and not local people. Why is this case? What can be done to attract more local people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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