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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? ” v.8

Museums are educational places which are beneficial for people in societies. However, these days, people have to pay an entrance fee to enter many museums. Although this phenomenon can lead to negative effects, I believe that there are for more positive effects. It cannot be denied that price of tickets can bring about detrimental impacts to people, societies, and the museums themselves. From people’s perspective, they are discouraged to visit the museum and not able to access useful information and knowledge freely, particularly the poor because they cannot afford such amount. From societies’ perspective, citizens have fewer opportunities to access vitally significant places to learn history, science, art, and many other essential subjects. From museums’ perspective, they cannot attain one of their objectives to educate people. Moreover, they may have to close down as they lose more of their customers. Museums are educational places which are beneficial for people in societies. However, these days, people have to pay an entrance fee to enter many museums. Although this phenomenon can lead to negative effects, I believe that there are for more positive effects. It cannot be denied that price of tickets can bring about detrimental impacts to people, societies, and the museums themselves. From people’s perspective, they are discouraged to visit the museum and not able to access useful information and knowledge freely, particularly the poor because they cannot afford such amount. From societies’ perspective, citizens have fewer opportunities to access vitally significant places to learn history, science, art, and many other essential subjects. From museums’ perspective, they cannot attain one of their objectives to educate people. Moreover, they may have to close down as they lose more of their customers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
However
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay an entrance fee to enter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Although this phenomenon can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, I believe that there are for more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

It cannot
be denied
that price of tickets can bring about detrimental impacts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
themselves. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, they
are discouraged
to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
useful information and knowledge
freely
,
particularly
the poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford such amount. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, citizens have fewer opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
vitally
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to learn history, science, art, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other essential subjects. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, they cannot attain one of their objectives to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close down as they lose more of their customers.

Museums are educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
However
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay an entrance fee to enter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Although this phenomenon can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, I believe that there are for more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

It cannot
be denied
that price of tickets can bring about detrimental impacts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
themselves. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, they
are discouraged
to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
useful information and knowledge
freely
,
particularly
the poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford such amount. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, citizens have fewer opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
vitally
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to learn history, science, art, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other essential subjects. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, they cannot attain one of their objectives to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close down as they lose more of their customers.
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Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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