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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
Museums are the places which preserve art and articles of ancient times. It is stated that there is an entry fee to some of these places while others do not charge for admission. This essay will discuss the benefit of charging is greater because, it helps them to be financially independent compared to the drawback of less people being able to afford the tickets. Asking a payment at entrance enables the museum to be economically self sufficient so that they can take care of the maintenance expenses. Additionally, they also have funds for upgrading their gallery, which may encourage more people to visit. For example, in spite of having a hefty entry fee, the Madamme Tussaads museum is one of the top tourist destination in London due to the quality of innovative art work displayed. Despite all the benefits, the disadvantage of keeping an admission charge is that many people will get discouraged to visit such places, especially the poor, as they cannot afford the ticket. In addition, many feel that the art gallery is a place of knowledge which should be freely available to everyone. For instance, although a poor girl had excellent skills in painting could not participate in a competition conducted by the Jahangir art gallery due to expensive cover charge. In conclusion, although it is argued that museum should not charge for admission so that they can be accessed by everyone, the advantage of being economically independent to take care of the overheads clearly outweigh the disadvantage of less people visiting as they cannot afford the entry fee.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and articles of ancient times. It
is stated
that there is an entry fee to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
while others do not charge for admission. This essay will discuss the benefit of charging is greater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be
financially
independent compared to the drawback of
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being able to afford the tickets.

Asking a payment at entrance enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to be
economically
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can take care of the maintenance expenses.
Additionally
, they
also
have funds for upgrading their gallery, which may encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
having a hefty entry fee, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Madamme
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tussaads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is one of the top tourist destination in London due to the quality of innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work displayed.

Despite all the benefits, the disadvantage of keeping an admission charge is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discouraged to visit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
especially
the poor, as they cannot afford the ticket.
In addition
,
Possible agreement error. The noun feel seems to be countable; consider using: "many feels".
many feel
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of knowledge which should be
freely
available to everyone.
For instance
, although a poor girl had excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in painting could not participate in a competition conducted by the Jahangir
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery due to expensive cover charge.

In conclusion
, although it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should not charge for admission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
be accessed
by everyone, the advantage of being
economically
independent to take care of the overheads
clearly
outweigh the disadvantage of
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting as they cannot afford the entry fee.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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