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Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.25

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 25
Some museums do not charge any money for entry, while others have an entry fee. Although people would be encouraged to visit museums if they are free of cost, management will not be able to maintain them properly without any government funding. The primary drawback of charging money for entrance is that people would be discouraged from going to museums. That is to say that many people who want to visit museums do not visit them because of their entrance fees. For example, a recent report of the Jang Newspaper revealed that those museums which are not charging any entry fee have 70% more visitors as compared to those who charge money for entrance. However, when people do not pay any amount for entering the museums, they do not care about things are there for the show. On the other hand, when management takes money from people for admission, they can collect enough money to manage the museum. In other words, when museums charge a fee for entrance, they are in a better position to take care of the things are there for people. For instance, I have seen many museums in Karachi who charge money for entrance, but they are well maintained. Entrance fees should be affordable enough so it would not put too much strain on pockets. In conclusion, although museums management can encourage people by not charging any fee, they can maintain the museum if they charge some amount for the entrance, so the benefit of charging people outweighs the drawbacks because then people would find museums well maintained.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for entry, while others have an entry fee.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be encouraged
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
if they are free of cost, management will not be able to maintain them
properly
without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding.

The primary drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be discouraged
from going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
That is
to say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
do not visit them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
.
For example
, a recent report of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jang
Newspaper revealed that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
any entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
have 70% more visitors as compared to those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not pay any amount for entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, they do not care about things are there for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.

On the other hand
, when management takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for admission, they can collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
, they are in a better position to take care of the things are there for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Karachi who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are well maintained.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
should be affordable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would not put too much strain on pockets.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
management can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, they can maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outweighs the drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
well maintained.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 25

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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