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Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is it the case? What can be done to attract local people to these places? v.6

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is it the case? What can be done to attract local people to these places? v. 6
Nowhere in history has the issue of visits from foreigners outnumbering those of locals been more visible. Accordingly, this essay aims at examining this phenomenon from various aspects as well as proposing possible solutions. A number of factors may account for this imbalance. Among the most viable reasons cited by people, the most common one is due to the curiosity of foreign tourists. Being newcomers to a country different from their homes, they will be inclined to gain deeper insights into the cultures that they are new to. Therefore, museums and places of historical importance receive considerable amount of attention from the non-natives. However, the causes go far deeper than mere curiosity. One may attribute the high entrance fees to this imbalance in visits. In particular, ticket price at these places are seemingly costly to less rich locals but the opposite for foreigners. In order to encourage attendance from locals, many courses of actions need to be taken urgently. In response to this challenge, one of the effective methods is to cut entrance fees at these sites so that visitors, regardless of nationality, will gain access more easily. Another feature worth consideration is that museum directors should revise their contents so as to organise visits to museums or history-related sites in a more creative and inspiring way. This policy, if carried out successfully, will not only enhance their images but will also attract more visitors since there will be a higher chance of those who have had the experience recommending their place of choice for others. All in all, museums and places of historical importance will be able to alleviate attendance of locals if prices and qualities are reconsidered. Therefore, I strongly demand this paper be taken into scrutiny to adopt appropriate policies.
Nowhere in history has the issue of visits from foreigners outnumbering those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
been more visible.
Accordingly
, this essay aims at examining this phenomenon from various aspects
as well
as proposing possible solutions.

A number of factors may account for this imbalance. Among the most viable reasons cited by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the most common one is due to the curiosity of foreign tourists. Being newcomers to a country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their homes, they will
be inclined
to gain deeper insights into the cultures that they are new to.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
of historical importance receive considerable amount of attention from the non-natives.
However
, the causes go far deeper than mere curiosity. One may attribute the high entrance fees to this imbalance in visits.
In particular
, ticket price at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
seemingly
costly to less rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the opposite for foreigners.

In order to encourage attendance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses of actions need to
be taken
urgently
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
response to this challenge, one of the effective methods is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
entrance fees at these sites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that visitors, regardless of nationality, will gain access more
easily
. Another feature worth consideration is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
directors should revise their contents
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
visits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or history-related sites in a more creative and inspiring way. This policy, if carried out
successfully
, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their images
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
attract more visitors since there will be a higher chance of those who have had the experience recommending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
of choice for others.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
of historical importance will be able to alleviate attendance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
if prices and qualities
are reconsidered
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
demand this paper
be taken
into scrutiny to adopt appropriate policies.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is it the case? What can be done to attract local people to these places? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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