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Many museum across the world charge an entry fee from all visitors. Some people agree that entry to the museum should be free. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ? ? v.1

Many museum across the world charge an entry fee from all visitors. Some people agree that entry to the museum should be free. ? ? v. 1
The Museums are the most valuable public places and they keep us connected with the most fascinating inventions and discoveries. It is a well-known fact that retrieving, restoring and maintaining historic artefacts is an expensive affair. Some people argue that this financial load should not be distributed among the visitors by charging them for access. On the other hand, some argue that the general public should contribute to the maintenance of museum by paying the access fee. I am a strong advocate of the former view and I will present my views on both arguments in this essay. In order to maintain the museums, the governments throughout the world have dedicated a department or an administrative unit. Since these departments are sufficiently funded in some nations, there is a rare need for public contribution. In such cases, funds from the entry fee are not of much use for general maintenance of museums, but could be directed to make upgrades or to add more items to the inventory. While ample funds from the government to the museum administration units is a common scenario in a few nations, it happens on rare instances in the rest of the world. There are many countries in the world which are dealing with other high priority issues than museum management, hence the funds to the museum are also greatly affected. In such cases, it is quite obvious that the museum administration greatly relies on funds obtained by charging visitors. I strongly believe that regardless of the wealth of the nation, It is the duty of all human beings to look after the museums. All of us should ensure that our future generations get to witness and enjoy the art and history. Therefore, it is mandatory that all the visitors of the museum should be charged an entry fee.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are the most valuable public
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
places and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us connected with the most fascinating inventions and discoveries.
It is a well-known fact that
retrieving, restoring and maintaining historic
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
is an expensive affair.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that this financial load should not
be distributed
among the visitors by charging them for access.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the
Consider using "public".
general public
should contribute to the maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
by paying the access fee. I am a strong advocate of the former view and I will present my views on both arguments in this essay.

In order to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
throughout the world have dedicated a department or an administrative unit. Since these departments are
sufficiently
funded in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, there is a rare need for public contribution. In such cases, funds from the entry fee are not of much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for general maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
be directed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
upgrades or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more items to the inventory.

While ample funds from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
administration units is a common scenario in a few nations, it happens on rare instances in the rest of the world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the world which are dealing with other high priority issues than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
management,
hence
the funds to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
are
also
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. In such cases, it is quite obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
administration
greatly
relies on funds obtained by charging visitors.

I
strongly
believe that regardless of the wealth of the nation, It is the duty of all human beings to look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. All of us should ensure that our future generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to witness and enjoy the art and history.
Therefore
, it is mandatory that all the visitors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should
be charged
an entry fee.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many museum across the world charge an entry fee from all visitors. Some people agree that entry to the museum should be free. ? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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