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Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of free admission outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of free admission outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
While some museums and art galleries have an entrance fee of admission, others are free. The principal advantage of this is that more customers will be able to visit these sites and this outweighs the main disadvantage which is the maintenance of the building. One of the main advantages of allowing the public to enter museums without charging them is to attract more people. Some individuals are interested in art, but do not have sufficient funds to waste on entrance fees. By eliminating these fees, more of the public are able to enter. For example, studies have shown that people are more inclined to visit museums and other cultural buildings if it is free. In addition, some of the elderly have time to visit museums, but do not have enough money. This is one of the main positive effects of no cost of admission. In contrast, if the entrance fees are taken away, the museums or art galleries may run at a loss and cause the structure to deteriorate. Maintenance is necessary to uphold the buildings in order to ensure these sites still stand in the future. For instance, the main expenditure of museums is on maintaining the structure. Therefore, free entry means the building will lose valuable income that is necessary for building maintenance. In conclusion, even though museums and other cultural sites are at a risk of deteriorating, they can receive an influx of people if there is free entry. For this reason, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries have an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
of admission, others are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
. The principal advantage of this is that more customers will be able to visit these sites and this outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
disadvantage which is the maintenance of the building.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
advantages of allowing the public to enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
without charging them is to attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
are interested
in art,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not have sufficient funds to waste on entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. By eliminating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
, more of the public are able to enter.
For example
, studies have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more inclined to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and other cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
if it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
.
In addition
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
elderly have time to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money. This is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of no cost of admission.

In contrast
, if the entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
are taken
away, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or art galleries may run at a loss and cause the structure to deteriorate. Maintenance is necessary to uphold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in order to ensure these sites
still
stand in the future.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is on maintaining the structure.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entry means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
will lose valuable income
that is
necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
maintenance.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and other cultural sites are at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of deteriorating, they can receive an influx of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
if there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entry.
For this reason
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of free admission outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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