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Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development? v.4

Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4
In previous days, the public can purchase things from local shops, but now It is irrefutable that an undeniable revert recently in all over the world. Minimal high street shops are closed. According to my perspective, it happened due to E-commerce business, although it has mammoth effects, but there are some multifarious advantageous they are outweighed by the drawbacks. First and foremost Since user can purchase any necessity items very easily without going to anywhere by using online. It has countless benefits to those humankind, which couldn't travel to market due busiest life, although it has very cheap, convenient and also offer some discount, to customers some time quality of items should be not effective. So online technique has a bigger picture in modernization era. Pursing this further with an illustration that recently purchased some books on Amazon which are not available in the market shops, but through online it has dispatched within two days if any damage have found out they can also provide returnable facilities. Mostly to start up business required a plethora of money, land and staff etc. So that people give importance to browsing. Even though no doubt it had a remarkable impact to retail shops and masses so Unemployment, face to face communication and physical activity also degrade. Because shopping malls are the corner where families and friends get together. By using shops, user can purchase items accordingly to their satisfaction and needs, but shop retailer can't provide a discount. For example In Syria, some shops should be closed due to E-commerce and masses became jobless. To recapitulate, Its influence on society, but its numerous advantageous can't be ignored because it plays an effective role.
In previous days, the public can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things from local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
It is irrefutable that an undeniable revert recently in all over the world. Minimal high street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are closed
. According to my perspective, it happened due to E-commerce business, although it has mammoth effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
multifarious advantageous they
are outweighed
by the drawbacks.

First
and foremost Since user can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
any necessity items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
without going to
It seems that a verb is missing in front of the adjective "anywhere".
anywhere
by using online. It has countless benefits to
Did you mean "this humankind" or ""?
those humankind
, which couldn't travel to market due busiest life, although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
, convenient and
also
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discount, to customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time quality of items should be not effective.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
online technique has a bigger picture in modernization era.

Pursing this
further
with an illustration that recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
books on Amazon which are not available in the market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through online it has dispatched within two days if any damage have found out they can
also
provide returnable facilities.

Mostly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up business required a plethora of money, land and staff etc.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give importance to browsing.

Even though
no doubt it had a remarkable impact to retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and masses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so


Unemployment, face to face communication and physical activity
also
degrade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
shopping malls are the corner where families and friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together. By using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, user can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
items
accordingly
to their satisfaction and needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
retailer can't provide a discount.
For example
In Syria,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
should
be closed
due to E-commerce and masses became jobless.

To recapitulate, Its influence on society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its numerous advantageous can't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it plays an effective role.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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