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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.34

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 34
In this contemporary world, many sectors have been revolutionized drastically. This will be led to the growth of tourism industry in, which people are visiting places having a natural beauty. However, some people are keen to transient to such places having challenging life like desert. This essay will discuss about the advantages and disadvantages in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are various factors that would become a boon for the foreigner who visits a various nation. The predominate point is that most of the visitors are doing such trip to learn new skills and want to do adventure in their life. This will also give them an opportunity to learn about a different culture and mythology. Although, during the journey the people must pass from many hindrance and weather issues, makes them feel proud and give them self-confidence. Moreover, in the modernized world, many people want to acquire the fame like celebrities. For example, the young people attempt the task that no one has performed till now; this type of attitude also forces them to visit places containing a dramatic problem. On the other hand, there are few unfavourable points from which the transient has to suffer. Firstly, some of the places having a various condition such as temperature difference, food issues. This will sometimes create a problem to their health. For instance, the Antartic having coolest atmosphere would create the breathing problem. Secondly, these places are following different tradition then the visitors. Due to that, it will create a problem for the local community as visitors will spoil their rules and sometimes it would impart the social problem. Furthermore, the government can give more priority to the guest as they help to rise the economy; this will create the discrimination between the vernacular and the regime. To conclude, for the development of an individual it would be profitable to visit a place which helps them to learn a new skill and confidence. Although, this will give detrimental impact to their health and the society as well. The government should work to cure this problem.
In this contemporary world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors have
been revolutionized
drastically
. This will
be led
to the growth of tourism industry in, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a natural beauty.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to transient to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
challenging life like desert. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
advantages and disadvantages in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various factors that would become a boon for the foreigner who visits a various nation. The predominate point is that most of the visitors are doing such trip to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and want to do adventure in their life. This will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them an opportunity to learn about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and mythology. Although, during the journey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hindrance and weather issues,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel proud and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them self-confidence.
Moreover
, in the modernized world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to acquire the fame like celebrities.
For example
, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attempt the task that no one has performed till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
; this type of attitude
also
forces them to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
containing a dramatic problem.

On the other hand
, there are few
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
points from which the transient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
suffer.
Firstly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a various condition such as temperature difference, food issues. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to their health.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
A determiner is probably missing here: "the coolest".
coolest
atmosphere would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the breathing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tradition then the visitors. Due to that, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for the local community as visitors will spoil their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it would impart the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more priority to the guest as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to rise the economy; this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the discrimination between the vernacular and the regime.

To conclude
, for the development of an individual it would be profitable to visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and confidence. Although, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
detrimental impact to their health and the society
as well
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should work to cure this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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