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Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
It is true that digital revolution has fundamentally changed the way that people behave including purchasing habits. Nowadays, there is a great deal of brick and mortar retailers that have gradually been no longer playing a vital role in the economy. While, it is might contribute some positive thing to consumers, I believe that this trend would lead to some negative results. Initially, there are two main reasons that might explain why many high street shops have recently gone out of business. Firstly, applying technology to consumerism that have re-sharped totally the market and customer’s behaviors. The various of technological breakthrough and the internet that have urged development of e-commerce in which have complex web-sites designed by approaches which are reliant on practical customer journeys. Besides, in the light of the population explosion, the increasing space using for accommodation have had to widen that take the place of area of street shops. In Hanoi city, for example, the shop houses located in first floor of block of flats has replaced gradually by residential zones. This trend have created positive changings but also have had adverse impacts on society as a whole. Obviously, the shift to online shopping has helped the customers be more easily to choose and buy anything they want, which also have allowed both big brands and small and medium enterprises launching a several of promotion campaigns on social platforms such as facebook, ig, … which are not required too much resources. However, there are some drawbacks because of this trend. Vietnam’s market has exemplified this notion. According to research of National Trading Ministry, 50% local employees who have been working in the retail sector lost their job that have significant influence to rising unemployment rate in Vietnam. In conclusion, there are a plethora of justified reasons which might demonstrate the phenomenon of disappearance of high street shops. This trend is both positive and negative.
It is true that digital revolution has
fundamentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behave including purchasing habits. Nowadays, there is a great deal of brick and mortar retailers that have
gradually
been no longer playing a vital role in the economy. While, it is might contribute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing to consumers, I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results.

Initially
, there are two main reasons that might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have recently gone out of business.
Firstly
, applying technology to consumerism that have re-sharped
totally
the market and customer’s behaviors.
The phrase 'The various of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'The' and 'of'.
The various of
technological breakthrough and the internet that have urged development of e-commerce in which have complex web-sites designed by approaches which are reliant on practical customer journeys.
Besides
, in the light of the population explosion, the increasing space using for accommodation have had to widen that take the place of area of street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. In Hanoi city,
for example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
located in
first
floor of block of flats has replaced
gradually
by residential zones.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake found.
changings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have had adverse impacts on society as a whole.
Obviously
, the shift to online shopping has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the customers be more
easily
to choose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything they want, which
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brands and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium enterprises launching a several of promotion campaigns on social platforms such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ig
, … which are not required too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
resources.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. Vietnam’s market has exemplified this notion. According to research of National Trading Ministry, 50% local employees who have been working in the retail sector lost their job that have significant influence to rising unemployment rate in Vietnam.

In conclusion
, there are a plethora of justified reasons which might demonstrate the phenomenon of disappearance of high street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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