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Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life? v.7

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life? v. 7
In recent years, there is an increasing trend towards landing a permanent job early which in turn brings a sense of satisfaction. Although this trend appears reasonable, other things should be taken into account to have a more satisfying working life. On the on hand, there are various benefits of have a permanent career early. First, since citizens have more chances to have a well-paid employment, working immediately after graduation ensures a stable finance for them. This means that the career could offer a reasonable salary which might help them pay monthly bills, such as electric and water bills, which is conducive to a more satisfying working life. Second, by engaging early in the labour market, they could become more well-rounded. In fact, the jobs require soft skills such as problem-solving skill and financial management, which contributes to a better working life. On the other hands, people could put their efforts to join in temporary jobs or even run their own business with an aim to get a sense of satisfaction. It is obvious that having some temporary jobs before being a loyal employee offers some valuable working experience, which is conducive to their promotion later. For example, since the manager position in some companies requires communication skills, those gained these skills when working as a temporary employee would become more competitive to get a promotion. In addition, in order to become a business, they could leave the permanent employment in order to run their own business. In fact, doing start-up might not only give them an endeavour to become a leader, but also allow them to fulfil their dream, which leads to a high sense of satisfaction. In conclusion, working as a permanent employee might act as a deterrent for those who want to get a promotion and run their own company. By considering their demands, they could find the most suitable way to get a more satisfying working life.
In recent years, there is an increasing trend towards landing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
early which in turn brings a sense of satisfaction. Although this trend appears reasonable, other things should
be taken
into account to have a more satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.

On the on hand, there are various benefits of have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
career early.
First
, since citizens have more chances to have a well-paid employment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
immediately after graduation ensures a stable finance for them. This means that the career could offer a reasonable salary which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them pay monthly bills, such as electric and water bills, which is conducive to a more satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life. Second, by engaging early in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market, they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more well-rounded. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and financial management, which contributes to a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.

On the other hands,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could put their efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or even run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business with an aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a sense of satisfaction. It is obvious that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being a loyal employee offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience, which is conducive to their promotion later.
For example
, since the manager position in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
requires communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, those gained these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as a temporary employee would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more competitive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion.
In addition
, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a business, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
employment in order to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. In fact, doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give them an
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a leader,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to fulfil their dream, which leads to a high sense of satisfaction.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
employee might act as a deterrent for those who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion and run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. By considering their demands, they could find the most suitable way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a more satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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