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People should become vegetarian because they do not need eat meat to have a healthy diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

People should become vegetarian because they do not need eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 1
It is argued that people should choose a vegetarian in lieu of eating meat. Although I believe that consuming plant food bears a healthy diet, I argue that everyone should stop eating meat to have a good health. On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why becoming a vegetarian is beneficial. Firstly, science has proven that vegetarians have a lower risk of developing several illnesses such as heart disease, cancer, obesity. This is due to the fact that a healthy vegetarian diet is typically lower fat and high fibre, which keeps bodies in shape. Secondly, eating vegetables properly gives us adequate nutrition and minerals to support our bodies. Raw spinach, for example, is a great source of Vitamins A, K, C as well as calcium. Therefore, instead of eating many types of food to get these Vitamins, people only need a bowl of spinach. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages to take into consideration before becoming a vegetarian. The first drawback is that vegetarian daily meals are not properly balanced, they might suffer from a lack of calories to meet their needs. Consequently, they can feel tired or unable to do any things. Furthermore, becoming a vegetarian at an early age can have detrimental effects on children’s health. In fact the ingredient of vegetarian meals has a less cholesterol, which plays an important in children’s puberty stage. Therefore this process can later in children eating foods without meat. According to studies published in the Medical Journal, the proportion of children consuming only vegetables can suffer from puberty disorder higher than children who balanced all foods. In conclusion, although a vegetarian diet bears some benefits, I believe that not everyone should eat as a vegetarian, especially children.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should choose a vegetarian in lieu of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
meat. Although I believe that consuming plant food bears a healthy diet, I argue that everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
meat to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why becoming a vegetarian is beneficial.
Firstly
, science has proven that vegetarians have a lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing several illnesses such as heart disease, cancer, obesity.
This is due to the fact that
a healthy vegetarian diet is
typically
lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and high
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
bodies in shape.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
vegetables
properly
gives us adequate nutrition and minerals to support our bodies. Raw spinach,
for example
, is a great source of Vitamins A, K, C
as well
as calcium.
Therefore
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of food to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these Vitamins,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a bowl of spinach.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to take into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming a vegetarian. The
first
drawback is that vegetarian daily meals are not
properly
balanced, they might suffer from a lack of calories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs.
Consequently
, they can feel tired or unable to do any things.
Furthermore
, becoming a vegetarian at an early age can have detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health. In fact the ingredient of vegetarian meals has a less cholesterol, which plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
puberty stage.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
this process can later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
foods without meat. According to studies published in the Medical Journal, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vegetables can suffer from puberty disorder higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who balanced all foods.

In conclusion
, although a vegetarian diet bears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, I believe that not everyone should eat as a vegetarian,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People should become vegetarian because they do not need eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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