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in recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping or malls to do their shopping. is it a positive or a negative development? v.1

Lately, people around the world have opted to shop from large shopping centres rather than from local shops. Although, local shops were in demand previously it has now started shutting down as more and more people choose going to malls. This essay will argue that the development of large malls across the cities have been entirely beneficial despite some of its demerits. Shutting down local shops and businesses have led to a gradual increase in unemployment. According to The New York Times, customers migration from local shops to malls raised unemployment by 1. 5% across the globe. For instance, countries like India and China have many small businesses, these people have been selling local products for almost their entire life hence this is justifiable why local shops owners are getting unemployed due to less customers visiting their store. On the other hand, construction of malls has tremendously boosted the development of cities as almost all the stores are consolidated in one single gigantic building, making people realise that even though local shops provide less costly products they however use more land making the city congested. Researchers have made comparisons between two cities, one which has significantly more malls while the other city has fewer and claimed that the city which has more number saved ten times the land. These claim makes us believe that malls has been a great factor in development of cities and people have started realizing it in recent times. To conclude, this essay argued that although there has been a gradual increase in unemployment due to migration of customers from local shops to malls there has been major developments in cities that has happened due to malls. In my opinion, I consider that this has been a positive development for the future.
Lately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world have opted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
from large shopping
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
rather
than from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
were in demand previously it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
shutting down as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. This essay will argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have been
entirely
beneficial despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its demerits.

Shutting down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and businesses have led to a gradual increase in unemployment. According to The New York Times, customers migration from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
raised unemployment by 1. 5% across the globe.
For instance
, countries like India and China have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
products for almost their entire life
hence
this is justifiable why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
owners are getting unemployed due to
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun customers is countable.
less
customers visiting their store.

On the other hand
, construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
has
tremendously
boosted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
as almost all the stores
are consolidated
in one single gigantic building, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. ‘realise’ is British English.
realise
that
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
provide less costly products they
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more land making the city congested. Researchers have made comparisons between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, one which has
significantly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
while the other city has fewer and claimed that the city which has more number saved ten times the land. These claim
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
has been a great factor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
realizing it in recent times.

To conclude
, this essay argued that although there has been a gradual increase in unemployment due to migration of customers from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
there has been major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that has happened due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
. In my opinion, I consider that this has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
for the future.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping stores or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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